One year ago on mother's day I went to bed like every other night. Only thing different was that I woke up the day after with a lump on my neck. One year ago tomorrow my life was turned upside down. Stephen King wrote an amazing book that has become one of my favorites 11/22/63. In this story the main character would say something has stuck with me to this day. "Life can turn on a dime". One year ago tomorrow life turned on a dime. I can wake up tomorrow and start over as if the last year had never happened. Or I can look back and remember every single bit of it and realize it has made me the person I am today.
I can't deny the past happened and I can't live in it either. For a while I was really not looking forward to mother's day weekend. Having that fear of what happened last year was in my mind the closer this day came. Still I now realize that is foolish. Am I going to wake up tomorrow and check my neck for lumps. You bet I will lol. I think that part is programed in me now. I have decided to look back at this as something that was meant to be for a reason. Does it suck that it happened? Yes of course it does. But that does not change the fact that I had to stand up to this thing and fight it the best I could.
As I have said many times before. Unless you go through this you will never understand. Unless you have been there for someone who has gone through this you can't understand. It stands to reason that something like this can haunt you if you let it. I stand on that edge where I can give in and let Mother's Day be the day that reminds me when I got sick. Or I can look back and remember it as the day that it was all over. I get my port taken out this Tuesday. That is one year and one day later. I like that. That is something that I can now look back on and remember mother's day for.
Life can turn on a dime. That is something that will always stick in my mind. Life's too short for all the bullshit. After I get this port out on Tuesday I will feel the release of this cancer prison I have been locked in for the past year. One year. Amazing how you can lose time that quickly. I look back now and it seems like a bad dream, a blink of an eye. The scars will last forever. They will always remind me how I was treated. Either bad or good I will remember. The new chapter starts in my life. This is not a "I found God" moment. It's more of a I found life moment. And I am happy to live it the way I want from now on. Just happy to be alive and not waste any time on the shit that doesn't matter.
Remember every day is a gift and life can turn on a dime. That saying will never go away.
SMIB \m/
Remember every day is a gift and life can turn on a dime. That saying will never go away.
SMIB \m/
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