Well as most of you know today was my big day. I really was nervous last night and didn't sleep too well. Still I was up at the ass crack of dawn and got ready to go to the hospital for the pet scan. Even with not much sleep I was feeling pretty good today. I usually start to feel good the day before chemo. Which if we are keeping track would be today. The best feeling is that there is no chemo tomorrow. That for one thing feel fucking amazing. The fact that today was not so bad and I had some energy was great. Once I got to the hospital and signed in I was put in a holding room and blood drawn and got my shot. I was given a nice warm blanket and sat in a recliner in the dark for an hour and a half to relax. Yet I sat on my cell looking at all the comments on my Facebook.
Still that calmed me down knowing so many people were sending me good vibes and prayers. Once they came to get me I basically fell asleep in the damn machine. So the half hour scan kinda flew by. I was calm and just kept my head up knowing that all will be ok. Knowing that today was my brother Nick's birthday felt to me as a good omen. I just have to stay in this mind frame until my results are told to me on Thursday. I am ready to get my life back where I was and start living again. I am way to anxious for that. Still I have to take it a day at a time for now while I recover. I still have a few months or so for this shit to leave my system and I have to stay on antibiotics until my immune system is back up to par.
Now as I wait for the good news I will try very hard not to over do it. I already hear the voices in my head making plans lol. So before I do anything stupid let's hit some mailbag questions a few of you have sent me over the past week or so. Again I will kind of combine the ones that are basically the same. I feel like Mr. Rodgers. Lets all gather around kids and read the letters that Mr. McFeely has delivered shall we...
I had a few questions that were basically asking me, How has having cancer changed me.
Well How do I answer that. It is still changing me everyday. I have learned much better control of my feelings. Better control on my life all around. I see now a lot clearer how short life is. Not feeling bad about taking the time to do things for myself. Learning to say no. I have always had a hard time telling some people close to me what I need to say in fear to hurt them or make them feel bad. But you need to be clear and concise with everyone at all times. Saves a lot of heartache and bullshit in the future. Still I am evolving everyday and learning everyday. This will be a complete blog topic soon.
What has been your biggest challenge the past 6 months and how did you handle it?
Honestly the biggest challenge was coming to terms with the "C" word. No one wants to hear it. when I did I somehow went into survival mode and went head first into getting it taken care of. All I thought about was my kids and that's all I needed to know to just plow forward and get it done. As scarred as I was and as angry as I got through it all they were the reason why I was fighting.
How did you find the strength to go through the chemo treatments?
Besides my kids I have no idea how I did it. I suffered after the first month into it. It would start to kick my ass and beat me down. I had to dig deep so many times. That has made me a better person and a stronger person. You only have to look at what you are fighting for to have the strength to fight through every treatment.
What's the first thing you will do once you get the all clear?
Ah the all clear. First I need to find out if and when I can have a drink. I haven't had a drink in seven months. Then I don't know I may laugh I may cry. All I know is that I have a bright future and a new outlook on life.
Was this difficult to tell your family and close friends?
Of course this was a tough thing to let people know. Obviously close family were the first to know. Until I knew the extent of what I was dealing with and had all the answers then I told everyone else. Still it was something that I had to do. Most people just ignored it and never talked to me again others stayed close and helped me with anything I needed. Nature of the beast. I surrounded myself with people going through cancer and the story is sadly the same. Most people either can not handle it or others are just ignorant.
You were able to work out during your chemotherapy. How much did you have to change in the gym and when will you be able to get back to the same workouts prior to being diagnosed.
In the beginning I was able to work out every other week. My week off from chemo I would get the strength to get at least the last 4 to 5 days out of the 14 to be in the gym. The short answer is yes I had to change up my workout to just light weights and machines. At this point it will be a few months until I get my strength up so I will start from scratch with a manageable workout to build up my strength.
Ok well I am getting kind of tired and I started this post late so I will save other questions for another time. For now those were basic questions some I had to combine. I will be blogging more about workouts and good recipes for food that will fuel workouts and some of mu tips and tricks. Just a new idea for some new blog topics as I move along from this journey to the next. Thank you all again for the questions and for all the love shown today on Facebook and my Twitter. I means a lot to me and really helps keep my spirits up. Going though any illness is no walk in the park. Knowing you have people out there that help you along is amazing. Thank you all again.
SMIB \m/
Still that calmed me down knowing so many people were sending me good vibes and prayers. Once they came to get me I basically fell asleep in the damn machine. So the half hour scan kinda flew by. I was calm and just kept my head up knowing that all will be ok. Knowing that today was my brother Nick's birthday felt to me as a good omen. I just have to stay in this mind frame until my results are told to me on Thursday. I am ready to get my life back where I was and start living again. I am way to anxious for that. Still I have to take it a day at a time for now while I recover. I still have a few months or so for this shit to leave my system and I have to stay on antibiotics until my immune system is back up to par.
Now as I wait for the good news I will try very hard not to over do it. I already hear the voices in my head making plans lol. So before I do anything stupid let's hit some mailbag questions a few of you have sent me over the past week or so. Again I will kind of combine the ones that are basically the same. I feel like Mr. Rodgers. Lets all gather around kids and read the letters that Mr. McFeely has delivered shall we...
I had a few questions that were basically asking me, How has having cancer changed me.
Well How do I answer that. It is still changing me everyday. I have learned much better control of my feelings. Better control on my life all around. I see now a lot clearer how short life is. Not feeling bad about taking the time to do things for myself. Learning to say no. I have always had a hard time telling some people close to me what I need to say in fear to hurt them or make them feel bad. But you need to be clear and concise with everyone at all times. Saves a lot of heartache and bullshit in the future. Still I am evolving everyday and learning everyday. This will be a complete blog topic soon.
What has been your biggest challenge the past 6 months and how did you handle it?
Honestly the biggest challenge was coming to terms with the "C" word. No one wants to hear it. when I did I somehow went into survival mode and went head first into getting it taken care of. All I thought about was my kids and that's all I needed to know to just plow forward and get it done. As scarred as I was and as angry as I got through it all they were the reason why I was fighting.
How did you find the strength to go through the chemo treatments?
Besides my kids I have no idea how I did it. I suffered after the first month into it. It would start to kick my ass and beat me down. I had to dig deep so many times. That has made me a better person and a stronger person. You only have to look at what you are fighting for to have the strength to fight through every treatment.
What's the first thing you will do once you get the all clear?
Ah the all clear. First I need to find out if and when I can have a drink. I haven't had a drink in seven months. Then I don't know I may laugh I may cry. All I know is that I have a bright future and a new outlook on life.
Was this difficult to tell your family and close friends?
Of course this was a tough thing to let people know. Obviously close family were the first to know. Until I knew the extent of what I was dealing with and had all the answers then I told everyone else. Still it was something that I had to do. Most people just ignored it and never talked to me again others stayed close and helped me with anything I needed. Nature of the beast. I surrounded myself with people going through cancer and the story is sadly the same. Most people either can not handle it or others are just ignorant.
You were able to work out during your chemotherapy. How much did you have to change in the gym and when will you be able to get back to the same workouts prior to being diagnosed.
In the beginning I was able to work out every other week. My week off from chemo I would get the strength to get at least the last 4 to 5 days out of the 14 to be in the gym. The short answer is yes I had to change up my workout to just light weights and machines. At this point it will be a few months until I get my strength up so I will start from scratch with a manageable workout to build up my strength.
Ok well I am getting kind of tired and I started this post late so I will save other questions for another time. For now those were basic questions some I had to combine. I will be blogging more about workouts and good recipes for food that will fuel workouts and some of mu tips and tricks. Just a new idea for some new blog topics as I move along from this journey to the next. Thank you all again for the questions and for all the love shown today on Facebook and my Twitter. I means a lot to me and really helps keep my spirits up. Going though any illness is no walk in the park. Knowing you have people out there that help you along is amazing. Thank you all again.
SMIB \m/
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