I was either hallucinating or I actually did sleep last night. I am not sure yet. All I know is that I actually was able to go out today and get some groceries. Big highlight of my day was shopping and getting acupuncture. Acupuncture was needed since my anxiety started to sink in today. For some reason I was fine all week and now today It just decided to just start fucking with me. How nice is that. At this point I just have no idea how or why. I am so tired that I just have to breath and just try and relax. The more I worry the worse it gets anyway.
The acupuncture helps me stay calm and steady. The steroids just amp up the anxiety so it is a fine line between staying calm or a full panic attack. If you never experienced a panic attack. It is so much fun. Imagine you are just sitting there in your house watching TV. A tiger walks in to the room. Oh shit right? So you panic because you don't have your gun with you, you really can't go anywhere so you are going to die. You know this. You can not fight a tiger so you are fucked. Your heart ponds you sweat and shake and start to basically black out.
Now imagine that happened with no tiger. You are watching TV and you get all that panic but there is no tiger. That is exactly how it feels. Those of you that have it I think I explained it right. That is just how it feels. Lets just say the acupuncture helps keep that part of it in check. I have had a few of those days during all this and it is not easy to stay focused in a panic attack. With that being said I am ok today and keeping calm in that department. I really have been lucky the chemo brain has gone so I was able to drive today. I can not get behind the wheel with chemo brain.
The rest of the side effects that have kept me awake have been subsiding. Thank god for that. So hopefully I will get some good sleep again tonight. Another day closer to feeling like myself. Another day closer to finding out if I am cancer free! That is going to be an awesome day. I just remind myself that all this shit I am going through is all to hear that simple sentence from my doctor. Just a little longer.
SMIB \m/
The acupuncture helps me stay calm and steady. The steroids just amp up the anxiety so it is a fine line between staying calm or a full panic attack. If you never experienced a panic attack. It is so much fun. Imagine you are just sitting there in your house watching TV. A tiger walks in to the room. Oh shit right? So you panic because you don't have your gun with you, you really can't go anywhere so you are going to die. You know this. You can not fight a tiger so you are fucked. Your heart ponds you sweat and shake and start to basically black out.
Now imagine that happened with no tiger. You are watching TV and you get all that panic but there is no tiger. That is exactly how it feels. Those of you that have it I think I explained it right. That is just how it feels. Lets just say the acupuncture helps keep that part of it in check. I have had a few of those days during all this and it is not easy to stay focused in a panic attack. With that being said I am ok today and keeping calm in that department. I really have been lucky the chemo brain has gone so I was able to drive today. I can not get behind the wheel with chemo brain.
The rest of the side effects that have kept me awake have been subsiding. Thank god for that. So hopefully I will get some good sleep again tonight. Another day closer to feeling like myself. Another day closer to finding out if I am cancer free! That is going to be an awesome day. I just remind myself that all this shit I am going through is all to hear that simple sentence from my doctor. Just a little longer.
SMIB \m/
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