Here we are. The final weekend has come to a close. I needless to say am anxious, excited, fed up lol. All of the above. I am really at the end of my sanity here. I really never thought it would get here quick enough. This last chemo treatment is just going to really mess with me mentally more than anything. It's the mind fuck of this whole thing that really gets you. I have gone over this before and the sentiment is still the same. All these medications have really taken a toll on my body. After this last treatment it will take time to get all this shit out of me. I pray that it all was worth it and the scans show that it is all gone.
It's been a decent day today. I had a very hard time falling asleep last night so I was very tired today. I did have energy to cook and clean. The daily bullshit that needs to be done. But shit I am beat to the bone tired. On top of the drain that is already on my body. I am just slowly just getting it done today. As I have learned, no rushing for shit. Anxiety is in the background today just lurking and trying to take me. I feel so bloated and swollen from these damn meds it's crazy. The back of my neck is killing me also. It has been for days now. I get some relief with icing the area but it just is annoying. Every time I do dishes or stand there cooking, it kills.
As usual I get a small amount of energy to use for the day. Today it was used up pretty quick. Still I hope that I will get some good sleep tonight. This way I can sleep well tomorrow. The last thing I want is to go into chemo tired. The last time I did that I was just exhausted right after I was done. This time I just hope I can switch off and get good sleep. Honestly it's all I really want. It has been so difficult to sleep these past six months not only because of the steroids in my system. But this damn port that I so love having in my chest.
This thing has really fucked the way I am able to sleep. Plus I have a damn foreign object in my damn chest. That alone still freaks me out. As I said before it does contribute to most of the anxiety I get. At least I am closing in on getting this thing out of me soon. Hopefully if everything goes my way I will have this thing out of me by the end of the year. who knew this year was going to be a struggle. I guess this proves that life has ways of throwing a curve ball. Life is ever changing and throwing those curve balls. You just stand there waiting for the right pitch.
I thought I hit my right pitch at one time. I guess you're always up at bat no matter what. Blindly swinging at the ball coming at you. Well Somehow I think you need to somehow find inner peace and stop swinging blindly all the time. Life is one hell of a pitcher. We just need to be better at living. I don't know sounds like gibberish. But somehow it makes some sense.
SMIB \m/
It's been a decent day today. I had a very hard time falling asleep last night so I was very tired today. I did have energy to cook and clean. The daily bullshit that needs to be done. But shit I am beat to the bone tired. On top of the drain that is already on my body. I am just slowly just getting it done today. As I have learned, no rushing for shit. Anxiety is in the background today just lurking and trying to take me. I feel so bloated and swollen from these damn meds it's crazy. The back of my neck is killing me also. It has been for days now. I get some relief with icing the area but it just is annoying. Every time I do dishes or stand there cooking, it kills.
As usual I get a small amount of energy to use for the day. Today it was used up pretty quick. Still I hope that I will get some good sleep tonight. This way I can sleep well tomorrow. The last thing I want is to go into chemo tired. The last time I did that I was just exhausted right after I was done. This time I just hope I can switch off and get good sleep. Honestly it's all I really want. It has been so difficult to sleep these past six months not only because of the steroids in my system. But this damn port that I so love having in my chest.
This thing has really fucked the way I am able to sleep. Plus I have a damn foreign object in my damn chest. That alone still freaks me out. As I said before it does contribute to most of the anxiety I get. At least I am closing in on getting this thing out of me soon. Hopefully if everything goes my way I will have this thing out of me by the end of the year. who knew this year was going to be a struggle. I guess this proves that life has ways of throwing a curve ball. Life is ever changing and throwing those curve balls. You just stand there waiting for the right pitch.
I thought I hit my right pitch at one time. I guess you're always up at bat no matter what. Blindly swinging at the ball coming at you. Well Somehow I think you need to somehow find inner peace and stop swinging blindly all the time. Life is one hell of a pitcher. We just need to be better at living. I don't know sounds like gibberish. But somehow it makes some sense.
SMIB \m/
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