There is not much of a change today from yesterday. It is status quo I suppose. The chemo brain is almost gone. It still lingering on. At this point I have so much of this crap in my system that things just hang around longer. The worst is just being so tired all the time. I am noticing that I am awake for a shorter time every day. I still feel like I have a sack of potatoes on my shoulders. That is an annoying feeling that I really can't wait to not feel anymore. Very excited that a few more weeks and I will recover from this hell.
I realize that I have it better than most people that are suffering with this. I have been especially lucky that I did not have it worse than I have. These last few weeks have been a bitch. I have been able to handle it. The worst thing really is fighting off the anxiety. The more people I talk to with cancer all battle anxiety. The steroids just make the anxiety even worse than it normally is. Unfortunately this is my biggest battle. As someone told me today if I think about it, if that's the worst of it then it's not that bad.
I can feel some neuropathy in my hands, feeling like I am cooking from the inside out. Other than that I'm just deal with the anxiety as it comes. I had small waves of it today as I have since that big tsunami on Monday. My biggest strength is my willpower. I have somehow adapted an amazing will power and god knows how I did it. I am thankful that I do because it comes in handy in this situation. If I didn't have the mental strength and willpower I would have had a very hard time with all this. Somehow there is a lesson in all this that I am still trying to figure out.
That is all I have today. No wise words or anything like that. I am very humbled that I have so many people reading my blog. I now have readers from Russia, Portugal, Germany, France, Chile, Singapore and Italy. Well Italy is a give in I know my family there read my blog. So I am very humbled and thankful that so many people have been reading every day. I started this blog really just for myself to keep track of my day to day feeling and side effects. Just a way for me to keep track of my journey. The fact that I can help someone out there feels good. I don't claim to have the answers to any of this. But still if I just help one person. It's one person that feels that much better. I guess we can pull from the knowledge of Mr. Miyagi. "First learn balance. Balance good, karate good, everything good. Balance bad, might as well pack up, go home." Good advice Mr. Miyagi. You're the best around!!!
Remember I am going to do a Q and A Blog later this week. Send your questions to blogquestions@outlook.com about anything you want. Lets have some fun with it. In the meantime Keep the faith and stay strong.
SMIB \m/
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