The weekend comes to a close and I am almost at the seconds to the last treatment. I am weak at this point. My body has been at war for six months now and my mind is shattered. I am still standing strong. There still is a light burning inside me that will never give up. The fact that it has been almost two weeks since my last treatment and I feel beat down. Well that does not make me happy for the next few weeks. I know it will be the hardest these last two treatments. It will last a few months maybe more for this poison to leave my body. Before I start to feel at some point like myself. I honestly have not felt like myself in months.
What an amazing dream it is to just feel like myself again. The day is getting closer. I am nervous for these last two. I just want them over with. If I am going to get worse than this, well that is gonna suck. I can just feel how exhausted I am now. I can not even begin to imagine it can get any worse. I have enough energy to shuffle around my cage. I get to leave every now and then. For now I feel like I am trapped in my own prison. Not a fun way to live. And today was one of the better days in the past three lol. Can you imagine that? I don't think even I can.
The anxiety honestly has been good today. No way to know when it will hit again so I just try not to think about it. The worst side effect now is shortness of breath. This has been a bitch through the whole process but now that I have been through ten chemo treatments I feel it stronger now. So those fun trips to the store are going to be a lot less now. I don't know how happy I am about fling this way. I honestly don't thank anyone would be happy about it. My head hurts just thinking about it.
Of course I can't take anything for my headache so I suffer. I know this will pass but damn when I just sit here quiet at night and just think, The reality of what I am going through hits me. How the fuck did I get this far. I am grateful, don't get me wrong. This journey sure has been a long one. Yet it feels like it was just yesterday that I was diagnosed and started down this road. Well no reason to look back. Only have to look ahead and realize that there is a great big light at the end of the tunnel. Getting ready now to head into the last phase I will stand strong and keep the faith.
I don't know what else do I say. This day hasn't been pretty good despite my depressing blog. Honestly I couldn't as for better at this point. No anxiety is the key for me. And today It did not show it's face. So to me even though I am weak and my body hurts, as long as the anxiety is not here I am happy about it.
SMIB \m/
What an amazing dream it is to just feel like myself again. The day is getting closer. I am nervous for these last two. I just want them over with. If I am going to get worse than this, well that is gonna suck. I can just feel how exhausted I am now. I can not even begin to imagine it can get any worse. I have enough energy to shuffle around my cage. I get to leave every now and then. For now I feel like I am trapped in my own prison. Not a fun way to live. And today was one of the better days in the past three lol. Can you imagine that? I don't think even I can.
The anxiety honestly has been good today. No way to know when it will hit again so I just try not to think about it. The worst side effect now is shortness of breath. This has been a bitch through the whole process but now that I have been through ten chemo treatments I feel it stronger now. So those fun trips to the store are going to be a lot less now. I don't know how happy I am about fling this way. I honestly don't thank anyone would be happy about it. My head hurts just thinking about it.
Of course I can't take anything for my headache so I suffer. I know this will pass but damn when I just sit here quiet at night and just think, The reality of what I am going through hits me. How the fuck did I get this far. I am grateful, don't get me wrong. This journey sure has been a long one. Yet it feels like it was just yesterday that I was diagnosed and started down this road. Well no reason to look back. Only have to look ahead and realize that there is a great big light at the end of the tunnel. Getting ready now to head into the last phase I will stand strong and keep the faith.
I don't know what else do I say. This day hasn't been pretty good despite my depressing blog. Honestly I couldn't as for better at this point. No anxiety is the key for me. And today It did not show it's face. So to me even though I am weak and my body hurts, as long as the anxiety is not here I am happy about it.
SMIB \m/
Just think PAt, what an Xmas gift, u will be done w/ treatment and on your way to recovery and looking forward to a new and kick ass year, fresh start. Back to the gym, jamming, etc. Hang in there dude
ReplyDeleteI am praying hard for you, Pat, that somehow, these last treatments will NOT hit you any harder than the last one did.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing your accupuncture, your good foods, and I bet the docs can get you on detoxifying supplements just as soon as your last chemo treatment if over with.
No one can ask you to do or think any better than you are thinking, Pat.
You have been an AMAZING inspiration... of grace under pressure.
Almost done, bud.
Almost done.
Thank you guys!! Eyes on the prize right?
ReplyDelete