Eyes of a stranger...

I keep telling myself that I just had chemo on Tuesday. It's only Sunday. Of course I still feel like shit. Here I am again trying to rush the recovery time from chemo. I do it every time. I think that it's just getting so hard to deal with the first nine days that I just want to get it over with. That obviously is just not realistic. Again I try to pull from that pool of strength I have somewhere deep inside. But I have to say it gets tougher every damn time I go through this. I know that I go over this every time I have chemo.
The shit is just kicking my ass and I am at the end of my rope. I just need to muster the last of the strength I have in me. I need to get through the rest of this. All I know is that I honestly am at the edge now. Lots of shit can get on my nerves real fucking fast. It's hard to understand unless you go through this. I know that have it in me. But these are the days when it gets hard. Two more, that's it! That is all I have to keep telling myself. I question some days if I can do two more. Can I fucking go through this two more times?
I look back and think how fast it has gone by. Yet starting the day of chemo, the days drag until the next week rolls around. At that point it starts to get just a bit more tolerable. I never had a problem with taste. That is why I have no problem eating. Lately I can not stand eating some things. I only drink water as it is and now I can not stand drinking water. Things are all fucked up. At this point I am just rolling with it. Things are changing and I look in the mirror and have no idea who is looking back at me.
Two more. that's all. I just keep repeating that.

SMIB \m/