I sit here another Friday night wishing I was out doing something. Ah well such is life. Today was a decent day. I did develop some anxiety late last night so I had what I like to call anxiety aftershocks. It is not horrible anxiety but it's in the background. So I muscled through that and went to the gym and had a good workout. I was able to handle the day pretty good. It's a bit different this time because everything is off by one day. You wouldn't think that makes a difference but it has. Also as they say chemo is cumulative. Every treatment I get it takes a bit longer for me to recover. Even though I feel better I never feel as good as I have the week before. Today in the gym it hit me when I really had to push. It's crazy and makes you feel vulnerable and weak. Those are the feelings that if you let crawl into your mind will cause you to slip into depression.
I am learning that with Cancer you fight a war on more than one front. You have the side effects of chemo. You have the anxiety that the steroids completely amplify. The list goes on and on. There is no way to really deal with all of it but just go all in. You have to remember why you fight. Those are the things that help me. Sometimes it's hard to keep it together. Today has been one of those days. Thank god for my acupuncture tonight. It really relaxed me and took me to a better place. I have to say that I am happy that I respond to acupuncture so well that I have been off my nausea pills and my neuropathy has been non existent. The biggest problem I face is the weight gain from steroids and now that I can't work out so much my back pain is just unbearable. If you have ever had back problems you can understand how horrible it can be. It really is unbearable. Some days It's like waiting for the levee to break and everything comes rushing in. Side effects, anxiety the back pain and being sore all over.
I have had a few weeks here and there when that has happened and I can tell you it is no fun. Those are the days where you need to really find your strength. So far I am happy that things have been tolerable. I am taking advantage of the weekend and what is now come to be known as my free Monday. Since chemo is on Tuesdays now I don't mind Mondays!
SMIB \m/
I am learning that with Cancer you fight a war on more than one front. You have the side effects of chemo. You have the anxiety that the steroids completely amplify. The list goes on and on. There is no way to really deal with all of it but just go all in. You have to remember why you fight. Those are the things that help me. Sometimes it's hard to keep it together. Today has been one of those days. Thank god for my acupuncture tonight. It really relaxed me and took me to a better place. I have to say that I am happy that I respond to acupuncture so well that I have been off my nausea pills and my neuropathy has been non existent. The biggest problem I face is the weight gain from steroids and now that I can't work out so much my back pain is just unbearable. If you have ever had back problems you can understand how horrible it can be. It really is unbearable. Some days It's like waiting for the levee to break and everything comes rushing in. Side effects, anxiety the back pain and being sore all over.
I have had a few weeks here and there when that has happened and I can tell you it is no fun. Those are the days where you need to really find your strength. So far I am happy that things have been tolerable. I am taking advantage of the weekend and what is now come to be known as my free Monday. Since chemo is on Tuesdays now I don't mind Mondays!
SMIB \m/
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