Blog post number 94. Has it been that long? I have to say as much as I have suffered through chemo side effects and the laying around doing nothing fighting off depression and anxiety. Will all he good and bad days I am still here. It has been 94 days since my first chemo treatment. It has been since May15th that i knew I had cancer. Along my journey so far I have been blessed with some people who come though with help when I least expect it but truly need it. It can't be expressed enough when I say that just a text or a phone call. Just sending me a note on facebook asking me how I feel really makes a big difference. The one thing you have to come to grips with when you have cancer is that you are not alone.
You will feel alone and depression can take over quick. Sitting home doing nothing is no fun at all. This really breaks your spirit unless you are strong enough to fight those feeling aff. Stay positive even through the horrible side effects. The days your laying there feeling like complete shit. That is when you find who you are. That is when you know if you have it in you to take on the torch and continue fighting. The people around you will either stand with you or fall to the wayside. You will be in complete amazement of those that stand by your side and those who turn Judas on your ass.
I believe that there are days that I take it to heart a bit to much about the ones that have gone Judas. More than anything I am hurt and just shake my head in disbelief. This is something I should already have gotten past by now. Thinking about it today made me think how sad it is that people close to me have gone Judas. I need to start thinking of my own health and not the loss of people I once thought were friends. I wasn't put here to be treated Like some disease you hoped would go away if left alone. You can sweep me under the carpet But, I'll still infect your need to use me as a steppin' stone, So you think you cut me down to size Well there's something you should realize It's gonna take more than a break in the law To make me smile pretty for the wreckin' ball...
I wont stand there smiling and take it where the sun don't shine. It is time to take the bullshit by the balls and realize I am not someone to be just pushed around or turn shit around on me because people can not deal with their own lives. I never asked for cancer. I will never let this disease define who I am. I will not forget who was there for me. I will not forget those who were not. As a good friend fighting cancer said to me. Rainbows and Unicorns lol Cut out the negative and start to focus on the good in life. Being human your mind does tend to tip on the bad shit from time to time. It is how you deal with those people that will define you. I think myself to be a better man than that. A better man, a stringer man than they will ever be.
For the good news of the day. I did amazing at my pulmonary test. The doctor said my scores were very high and for a former smoker I have hardly and damage to my lungs from smoking. So I am lucky in that regard. She was very impressed with my breathing lol. Good job quitting smoking when I did. After that awesome test and great results I headed over to the cancer center to visit my nurses in the chemo department. Not that I was happy to be there but I did forget my phone charger last week. I needed that lol. So had a nice chat with the nurses and headed over to Revolt Amps for a lil business. Top secret Revolt stuff of course. After picking up my daughter and going into homework mode. I had a very nice day today considering I had to force my ass up early and go back to the hospital. All said and done I am a happy dude today.
SMIB \m/
You will feel alone and depression can take over quick. Sitting home doing nothing is no fun at all. This really breaks your spirit unless you are strong enough to fight those feeling aff. Stay positive even through the horrible side effects. The days your laying there feeling like complete shit. That is when you find who you are. That is when you know if you have it in you to take on the torch and continue fighting. The people around you will either stand with you or fall to the wayside. You will be in complete amazement of those that stand by your side and those who turn Judas on your ass.
I believe that there are days that I take it to heart a bit to much about the ones that have gone Judas. More than anything I am hurt and just shake my head in disbelief. This is something I should already have gotten past by now. Thinking about it today made me think how sad it is that people close to me have gone Judas. I need to start thinking of my own health and not the loss of people I once thought were friends. I wasn't put here to be treated Like some disease you hoped would go away if left alone. You can sweep me under the carpet But, I'll still infect your need to use me as a steppin' stone, So you think you cut me down to size Well there's something you should realize It's gonna take more than a break in the law To make me smile pretty for the wreckin' ball...
I wont stand there smiling and take it where the sun don't shine. It is time to take the bullshit by the balls and realize I am not someone to be just pushed around or turn shit around on me because people can not deal with their own lives. I never asked for cancer. I will never let this disease define who I am. I will not forget who was there for me. I will not forget those who were not. As a good friend fighting cancer said to me. Rainbows and Unicorns lol Cut out the negative and start to focus on the good in life. Being human your mind does tend to tip on the bad shit from time to time. It is how you deal with those people that will define you. I think myself to be a better man than that. A better man, a stringer man than they will ever be.
For the good news of the day. I did amazing at my pulmonary test. The doctor said my scores were very high and for a former smoker I have hardly and damage to my lungs from smoking. So I am lucky in that regard. She was very impressed with my breathing lol. Good job quitting smoking when I did. After that awesome test and great results I headed over to the cancer center to visit my nurses in the chemo department. Not that I was happy to be there but I did forget my phone charger last week. I needed that lol. So had a nice chat with the nurses and headed over to Revolt Amps for a lil business. Top secret Revolt stuff of course. After picking up my daughter and going into homework mode. I had a very nice day today considering I had to force my ass up early and go back to the hospital. All said and done I am a happy dude today.
SMIB \m/
First of all, congrats on the lung tests, thats awesome man and also as a former smoker, that gives me hope.
ReplyDelete2nd, although divorce is nothing vompared to cancer, I kind of know how you fell in regards to all the Judas assholes. Dude, I cant even begin to explain how shocked I was and still am by all the fuckers that abandoned me and took my ex's side going back to the beginning of the divorce a couple years ago and even still now and that include a best friend and a large portion of immediate family. So I look at it this way and hopefully you can use this too. A dilemma like divorce or sickness like your cancer brings out true colors in everyone around you. It truly does. But this can be a good thing because you can go on w/out feeling like you have to maintain those relationships and stop trying to please everyone. Doesn't mean I wont have my sisters in my life at all, but I know now that they dont deserve my full attention, respect, effort, etc. I can put all that energy into my kids, my fiance, parents, etc. Fuck em' Pat and fuck cancer and fuck ex wives LOL
Now, have you listened to Book of Souls yet? How about Slayer's new one, Repentless? Holy fuck! Repentless is my album of the year. Fucking love Slayer and this one is just fucking kick ass even w/ no Jeff or Dave. Gary Holt whales on the axe and Paul Bostaph can fn drum dude. And I want to plan something w/ you. By this time next year you will be cured and the 3rd annul Motorhead Motor Boat cruise will be coming up. day cruise to the Bahamas w/ live bands like Exodus, Slayer, Anthrax, Motorhead, meet and greets. Just a close intimate metal fest at sea. Lets do it man.
Finally, and Ill shut up, you see this?! He keeps coming back just like you (below)
http://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/news/watch-rocky-trains-a-new-underdog-in-latest-%E2%80%98creed%E2%80%99-trailer/ar-AAehHBd?li=BBieRxq
Sorry for the fat finger typos lol
ReplyDeletehttp://www.motorheadcruise.com/
ReplyDeletelol dude divorce brings out the same assholes i been there too. I still have not listened to the new Maiden I know I am ashamed. but I will soon. As for slayer I don't have that yet. thanks for always checking in dude.
ReplyDeleteYou got it man
ReplyDelete