Ok well today was not to bad. I did get some anxiety early on but I told it to fuck off and I moved on with my day. Had to get to my daughters school pick up her schedule for first grade and of course she wanted to go to the park. Which as we all know I can not be running around a park full of kids. Plus today was what two hundred degrees out there? Yeah no thank you. So I did what any good father would do and I bribed my kid with ice cream. The bribe took and all I had to do was hit the grocery store and get that out of the way today.
My anxiety kicked in again right before I left for my acupuncture treatment, I figured, well then how nice is this. Because ya know anxiety just comes out and wants to play without even asking. Just pops up out of nowhere for no reason whatsoever. So anxiety and then my best buddy Mr. Nausea came over to play along. Don't know if they called each other and said "hey lets go fuck with him he looks like hes doing ok" or if they just showed up together by coincidence. I ended up just sucking it up and by the time I got my acupuncture I started to feel much better. I can't even begin to explain how much worse I felt for the three weeks without it. This stuff makes such a big difference that it is so hard to ignore.
All in all today was not to bad, Anxiety aside I am starting to understand that the steroids have really heightened my anxiety and is also causing weight gain that lets be honest thats is just pissing me off. But again I do understand that the steroids and other medications I am on are not helping me stay in shape. I just keep telling myself once I am done with this I can get right back on the road I was on. Keep looking forward and time goes by quick. It feels like yesterday that I stared chemo. Now here we are over 70 days in and I am close to beating this thing. As hard as it gets. As much as I bitch about it all I know I got this shit and just need to keep looking at this as a journey that I had to take to make me a stronger person. In the end this will change me. I have excepted that and will make that part of who I am.
In the end when they say "Mr Catalano.. all clear. I will not be remembered as the cancer guy but as the guy who is a strong mother fucker.
SMIB \m/
My anxiety kicked in again right before I left for my acupuncture treatment, I figured, well then how nice is this. Because ya know anxiety just comes out and wants to play without even asking. Just pops up out of nowhere for no reason whatsoever. So anxiety and then my best buddy Mr. Nausea came over to play along. Don't know if they called each other and said "hey lets go fuck with him he looks like hes doing ok" or if they just showed up together by coincidence. I ended up just sucking it up and by the time I got my acupuncture I started to feel much better. I can't even begin to explain how much worse I felt for the three weeks without it. This stuff makes such a big difference that it is so hard to ignore.
All in all today was not to bad, Anxiety aside I am starting to understand that the steroids have really heightened my anxiety and is also causing weight gain that lets be honest thats is just pissing me off. But again I do understand that the steroids and other medications I am on are not helping me stay in shape. I just keep telling myself once I am done with this I can get right back on the road I was on. Keep looking forward and time goes by quick. It feels like yesterday that I stared chemo. Now here we are over 70 days in and I am close to beating this thing. As hard as it gets. As much as I bitch about it all I know I got this shit and just need to keep looking at this as a journey that I had to take to make me a stronger person. In the end this will change me. I have excepted that and will make that part of who I am.
In the end when they say "Mr Catalano.. all clear. I will not be remembered as the cancer guy but as the guy who is a strong mother fucker.
SMIB \m/
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