Another Friday night and I am tired again. Of course I had barely any sleep last night. I Just could not get comfortable at all. The good thing is, well I don't want to say it too loud and jinx myself. But my anxiety has been nowhere in sight. I think It tried today but it didn't get though. That my friends is awesome. Although I really do hope I didn't jinx myself. After some sleep today I did at least have the energy to get my ass up and shower. That always is nice right? I tell ya some days it's amazing how little you can do. Today was the day that nothing was done. Well tons of History channel binge watching.
I really am sick of TV but when I try to read I start to fall asleep anyway. What crazy ass world am I living in anyway. I hate to think it some days but the way this has turned my whole life upside down is insane. Getting used to is still something I am avoiding. And now that I am close to the last few treatments I am getting anxious. I just want to get back to normal. I feel Just out of it for so long that some days I just can not take that feeling anymore. Looking in the mirror and seeing someone that is just a shell of who you were just a few months earlier is a hard pill to swallow.
Yeah, Ok I can deal with some of the weight gain. At least I am not skin and bones and I have my life. But as I have said before It is obviously something that took me a long time and dedication to accomplish. And to have this thing take some of that from me is just something that aggravates me. Obviously because I keep bringing that up. Even though I know I will get back into shape again. I will be better and stronger than last time. I have to summon the inner wolverine. Just keeping my mind focused on that. I won't lie though because some days it is not easy to do. Getting aggravated about all that shit is something I keep trying not to do. It is just going to be a bad dream once this is all over.
Well I have nothing else today It has been a shit lazy day. Hopefully I will get some sleep tonight and able to get some shit done this weekend. I keep dreaming about getting my motorcycle out of storage for a ride. Poor thing has been sitting there since last winter. I hope this week will be good enough to get that out for a few. Other than that I got nothin. Oh before I go obviously you all see I did some changes with the look of the blog. Hope It is easier to read and won't hurt your eyes anymore Mr. Spears. lol
SMIB \m/
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