Not too horrible of a day today. Anxiety was in the background till later in the day. My hunger has been on fire all day. To the point where I am so pissed off at myself. It is so hard to eat the right when I just can not get full. I eat then I am starving again. I have to eat more and more to feel like I ate anything. In the meantime I can't work out and I gain belly fat. And I get pissed off. Lol. It is a vicious circle. But if this is all I can complain about then so be it. I am so anxious to work out that at some points I feel like ok let me hit the gym this is good energy I feel. Then I get up and I feel like I wana pass out and lay down. Not yet. Still recovering. Every week I go through the same shit. Then I realize that I still have a few days before I really start to feel better. As my favorite saying goes It is what it is. Not much you can do. My oncologist said she was not worried about me that everything is going as planned and I should just listen to my body and not worry about the weight gain.
Yeah, so easy for her to say. But then again she is the specialist. At this point being close to the end of the treatments I feel nervous because now after the treatment we do more tests and see if this has all worked. No idea till the end. All I can do is have the faith that this will all work and in the end I will come out on top. As hard as it is to feel that way at times you need to stay focused. The days where I am in so much pain that every muscle in my body is so sore and I feel like shit, it is very hard to stay that positive. After a few hours of cursing and laying around feeling sorry for myself I do get my head out of my ass and tel myself to relax and stay focused. Thank god I listen to myself. I can be a pushy bastard. I am glad I am because those are some hard days. Today was one of them. I just can not take the actual physical pain some days.
All the waiting and sitting around will be over in a few days since I have to head back to the hospital on Tuesday for some more tests. Just standard mid way tests to make sure the chemo is not putting any strain on my system that it can not handle. Yeah standard lol right. For them standard for me anxiety triggers. thanks so much. lets go get some tests done. This way I can sit around a few days not knowing what is going on. One more hurdle to get over. Stay positive and stay strong. This to shall pass. Well some say God only gives you what you can handle. I had no idea I was this strong.
In closing I have donated to this awesome event in Louisville KT. So if you are in the area please get down to this show. Horns Up Against Cancer!! Hit the website and help out today!
SMIB \m/
Yeah, so easy for her to say. But then again she is the specialist. At this point being close to the end of the treatments I feel nervous because now after the treatment we do more tests and see if this has all worked. No idea till the end. All I can do is have the faith that this will all work and in the end I will come out on top. As hard as it is to feel that way at times you need to stay focused. The days where I am in so much pain that every muscle in my body is so sore and I feel like shit, it is very hard to stay that positive. After a few hours of cursing and laying around feeling sorry for myself I do get my head out of my ass and tel myself to relax and stay focused. Thank god I listen to myself. I can be a pushy bastard. I am glad I am because those are some hard days. Today was one of them. I just can not take the actual physical pain some days.
All the waiting and sitting around will be over in a few days since I have to head back to the hospital on Tuesday for some more tests. Just standard mid way tests to make sure the chemo is not putting any strain on my system that it can not handle. Yeah standard lol right. For them standard for me anxiety triggers. thanks so much. lets go get some tests done. This way I can sit around a few days not knowing what is going on. One more hurdle to get over. Stay positive and stay strong. This to shall pass. Well some say God only gives you what you can handle. I had no idea I was this strong.
In closing I have donated to this awesome event in Louisville KT. So if you are in the area please get down to this show. Horns Up Against Cancer!! Hit the website and help out today!
SMIB \m/
Comments
Post a Comment