Not to bad of a day today. I was able to get out today and visit my aunt who was in from Jersey for a few weeks. So it was nice to sit and hang out with family for the afternoon. After that I came right back home and was exhausted. Oh so much fun but it is still the week of chemo and I have to understand that I am taking longer to recover. I had some good friends visit tonight and bring me some food and sat and chatted with me for a while. Always nice when I have some company once in a while. Although today I haven't had much for side effects or anxiety. The nausea started hitting me later tonight and anxiety started setting in a bit ago. How fun right? So took some meds since I am out of my magic cookies. The meds really do not do the trick the cookies do. But none the less I took something. And just had breakfast for a midnight snack. Why? Well come on now we all know why, I am starving as usual.
So as I had a decent day today I still feel like crap on and off. Those are the days I realise just stay strong and we are getting through this. So Today I keep repeating that to myself. I dream of the day I don't have to worry about side effects or doctors or tests. All this shit just gets old some days. But as I said before, it's all about the mental attitude. I hear this from every cancer survivor. These brave people go through hell just to be born again and free from this monster. If it works for them it will work for me. So as much as I am screaming inside. On the outside I am staying calm and collective.
As much as this port is just pissing me off right now I am trying not to let my anxiety take over my mind. It's funny I know some days I do my blog and either I got over anxiety or I am about to have it and I stop. But here we are I am writing and bam anxiety is rushing in. It's a crazy thing if you understand the way anxiety works. The heart palpitations and the worry and fear you feel is crazy. Now set that up with some steroids my anxiety gets amplified. So much fun. Well listen it's awesome that people read my blog and tell me how much they enjoy reading it. Those things make me feel better. There is an end in sight to the pain and suffering of chemotherapy. Just have to keep the faith and look at this anxiety in the eye when it rushes in and tell it to fuck off.
SMIB \m/
So as I had a decent day today I still feel like crap on and off. Those are the days I realise just stay strong and we are getting through this. So Today I keep repeating that to myself. I dream of the day I don't have to worry about side effects or doctors or tests. All this shit just gets old some days. But as I said before, it's all about the mental attitude. I hear this from every cancer survivor. These brave people go through hell just to be born again and free from this monster. If it works for them it will work for me. So as much as I am screaming inside. On the outside I am staying calm and collective.
As much as this port is just pissing me off right now I am trying not to let my anxiety take over my mind. It's funny I know some days I do my blog and either I got over anxiety or I am about to have it and I stop. But here we are I am writing and bam anxiety is rushing in. It's a crazy thing if you understand the way anxiety works. The heart palpitations and the worry and fear you feel is crazy. Now set that up with some steroids my anxiety gets amplified. So much fun. Well listen it's awesome that people read my blog and tell me how much they enjoy reading it. Those things make me feel better. There is an end in sight to the pain and suffering of chemotherapy. Just have to keep the faith and look at this anxiety in the eye when it rushes in and tell it to fuck off.
SMIB \m/
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