Today Proved to be a inserting day. I defiantly ate to late last night and that had my up at 4 am with some wicked heartburn. Up every 30 minuets or so popping some Tums I haven't done that in years. By the time I had that under control I was getting hit with nausea. This kept me in bed until at least 12:30. One I was able to drag my ass out of bed I just had no energy to move. I was just so tired. I was so weak but I had to eat I was starving. I managed to shuffle into the kitchen and make some breakfast and take all my pills. Really sick of all those pills. I got hit with anxiety today. Just got blind sided and it was horrible. It kept me in bed for hours. I tried to meditate and do some stretching but I couldn't get it together.
When anxiety hits like that there is really no way to get a grip on it. And today I just could not get the strength to keep it together. Some times the anxiety just hits out of nowhere for no reason. Those days are the worst. You have no control over how you feel emotionally. Take that on top of not having any control over what the chemo is doing to you, well that's a fucked up day. I managed to get some strength to eat today and drag my ass into the kitchen on and off and I need to keep drinking water so I had to keep that up. Just a rough time dealing with the fatigue and nausea. I have to keep positive and think if this is all I get for side effects then I really am lucky.
Today was just hard, Maybe I shouldn't have gone out last night to lodge. Even though all I did was sit there lol I still need to get rest on the days I crash and try not to over do it. After feeling like today was to much I mad an appointment to get my acupuncture. That was the best thing I could have done. It got me back on track and feeling better. My anxiety is gone and my nausea is gone so I feel normal. I will sleep good tonight for sure.
I must repeat a lot of stuff here but remember this blog is just a way for me to write down how I feel from day to day. This way I can go back and keep a file of all the shit that happens and how I feel from day to day. This just happens to be a bad day. I never really get used to the ups and downs of chemo, It is just to much of a roller coaster ride. You get one week of feeling good and then you get kicked back down again. Some of the best days make you realize what you are fighting for and make you realize how strong you are. Then the bad days remind you that you are only human and can only take so much. We all have a breaking point. We all know how much we can handle. It is humbling to find out exactly where you stand. Once you can admit to yourself just how much you can take, well that makes you stronger. You realize when you can lean on friends and loved ones who will help you when you have a bad day and you can not take it alone. No one expects you to go it alone. I don't think I could go though this shit on my own. I am very lucky to have the friends and family I have that help me when I need it.
Time to move on from this day. It was a bad day but that's ok. I move onto tomorrow and I should start getting my strength back up for a good weekend and up coming week. I can't wait to get back in the gym and get back into a routine. These chemo weeks really make me feel like I am losing all that work I did for the last 2 years. Once I get back in the gym things start to feel better and I get a lot more energy.
SMIB \m/
When anxiety hits like that there is really no way to get a grip on it. And today I just could not get the strength to keep it together. Some times the anxiety just hits out of nowhere for no reason. Those days are the worst. You have no control over how you feel emotionally. Take that on top of not having any control over what the chemo is doing to you, well that's a fucked up day. I managed to get some strength to eat today and drag my ass into the kitchen on and off and I need to keep drinking water so I had to keep that up. Just a rough time dealing with the fatigue and nausea. I have to keep positive and think if this is all I get for side effects then I really am lucky.
Today was just hard, Maybe I shouldn't have gone out last night to lodge. Even though all I did was sit there lol I still need to get rest on the days I crash and try not to over do it. After feeling like today was to much I mad an appointment to get my acupuncture. That was the best thing I could have done. It got me back on track and feeling better. My anxiety is gone and my nausea is gone so I feel normal. I will sleep good tonight for sure.
I must repeat a lot of stuff here but remember this blog is just a way for me to write down how I feel from day to day. This way I can go back and keep a file of all the shit that happens and how I feel from day to day. This just happens to be a bad day. I never really get used to the ups and downs of chemo, It is just to much of a roller coaster ride. You get one week of feeling good and then you get kicked back down again. Some of the best days make you realize what you are fighting for and make you realize how strong you are. Then the bad days remind you that you are only human and can only take so much. We all have a breaking point. We all know how much we can handle. It is humbling to find out exactly where you stand. Once you can admit to yourself just how much you can take, well that makes you stronger. You realize when you can lean on friends and loved ones who will help you when you have a bad day and you can not take it alone. No one expects you to go it alone. I don't think I could go though this shit on my own. I am very lucky to have the friends and family I have that help me when I need it.
Time to move on from this day. It was a bad day but that's ok. I move onto tomorrow and I should start getting my strength back up for a good weekend and up coming week. I can't wait to get back in the gym and get back into a routine. These chemo weeks really make me feel like I am losing all that work I did for the last 2 years. Once I get back in the gym things start to feel better and I get a lot more energy.
SMIB \m/
acupuncture really works huh?
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