Captain's log. Stardate 7.5.2015. After having been taken over by an android, the Enterprise has been under way at warp seven for four days. Now we are entering orbit around a planet which has never been charted.
Today started off rocky since late last night I went into a full panic attack. So some meditation helped that but it still carried over to this morning. It was not so bad but just had a crazy nervous feeling. Still got it under control for the rest of the day to go smooth. Go figure I was just having some horrible gas lol. Yeah we all laugh about the basement plumbing, but honestly if you haven't gone through this chemo you will never know the hell of what it does to you. So all my people with anxiety, you all know the drill. OMG I am having a heart attack and actually you have gas. It's an all time favorite. As the day progressed I felt better and was able to get things done that I needed to get done. My energy drained by 9 tonight so now I sit and relax. It almost feels like I paid for yesterdays feeling great with today's. That sucks to think that way but seams like that is how it worked out. I was not able to hit the gym since my anxiety spilled into this morning. Well I use "morning" loosely since I was up till 3 am dealing with anxiety so I was out of bed at 11 this afternoon.
I am set up for 2 more acupuncture treatments this week and I am very excited. It is really helping me with feeling better. Yesterday I just felt normal like nothing was going on. Those feeling are far and few so I hang on to them like gold. Tonight has been ok with a touch of crap feeling. Just the feeling of not wanting to do anything, Once your energy drains you just need to stop and sit down. I suppose all normal feelings to have during all this. I am no expert by far with all of this and I know that more is in store. It just feels like the energy drains so fast and its not something I am used to. The anxiety kinda sneaks up on me at that point because all of a sudden you feel like something is wrong with you. Even though it is just your body saying "hey time to sit down". But again when you have this dam anxiety, that's not how it works.
Going into the next week I am sure hoping that I feel up to going to the gym. I really hate the fact that I can't go as much as I want. How crazy does that sound lol. I would never have said that over 2 years ago. I love being in the gym it's like a drug. Being out of the gym for days at a time just sucks. So this week I really hope I can get into the gym for at least an hour and get a decent workout. Not only will I feel better but I think it will be good for my sanity at this point. That is something I did every day that was taken from me. Not very happy about that but it is what it is.
Well that is it for today Nothing crazy just bad anxiety that messed with my late night early morning. other than that another day in the bag. Time for me to zone out.
SMIB \m/
Today started off rocky since late last night I went into a full panic attack. So some meditation helped that but it still carried over to this morning. It was not so bad but just had a crazy nervous feeling. Still got it under control for the rest of the day to go smooth. Go figure I was just having some horrible gas lol. Yeah we all laugh about the basement plumbing, but honestly if you haven't gone through this chemo you will never know the hell of what it does to you. So all my people with anxiety, you all know the drill. OMG I am having a heart attack and actually you have gas. It's an all time favorite. As the day progressed I felt better and was able to get things done that I needed to get done. My energy drained by 9 tonight so now I sit and relax. It almost feels like I paid for yesterdays feeling great with today's. That sucks to think that way but seams like that is how it worked out. I was not able to hit the gym since my anxiety spilled into this morning. Well I use "morning" loosely since I was up till 3 am dealing with anxiety so I was out of bed at 11 this afternoon.
I am set up for 2 more acupuncture treatments this week and I am very excited. It is really helping me with feeling better. Yesterday I just felt normal like nothing was going on. Those feeling are far and few so I hang on to them like gold. Tonight has been ok with a touch of crap feeling. Just the feeling of not wanting to do anything, Once your energy drains you just need to stop and sit down. I suppose all normal feelings to have during all this. I am no expert by far with all of this and I know that more is in store. It just feels like the energy drains so fast and its not something I am used to. The anxiety kinda sneaks up on me at that point because all of a sudden you feel like something is wrong with you. Even though it is just your body saying "hey time to sit down". But again when you have this dam anxiety, that's not how it works.
Going into the next week I am sure hoping that I feel up to going to the gym. I really hate the fact that I can't go as much as I want. How crazy does that sound lol. I would never have said that over 2 years ago. I love being in the gym it's like a drug. Being out of the gym for days at a time just sucks. So this week I really hope I can get into the gym for at least an hour and get a decent workout. Not only will I feel better but I think it will be good for my sanity at this point. That is something I did every day that was taken from me. Not very happy about that but it is what it is.
Well that is it for today Nothing crazy just bad anxiety that messed with my late night early morning. other than that another day in the bag. Time for me to zone out.
SMIB \m/
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