This week has been just an ass kicking. I an not get it together at all. This last chemo treatment just kicked my ass for sure. I woke up this morning and once I ate breakfast I felt like I was going to pass out. I walked back to bed and it felt like I ran a marathon. My body was so exhausted. I lost it emotionally again today. Just not able to hold it together once it felt like I couldn't even catch my breath. Once I was able to lay down again and relax I felt better. I spent the majority of the day in bed. Not exactly what I wanted to do today with so many things I needed to get done.
I was up and out of bed by 5:30 and had dinner. After dinner again I was so tired so I decided to call my 24 hour hot line to my oncologist or one of the other oncologists that would be on call. Once they called back I explained my concern on why the hell am I so dam tired so far into the week. I was told everything I feel is expected and that she would have my oncologist call me direct tomorrow and maybe go in to run some tests see if my counts are low and contributing to my being so tired. Well I hoe so because this fucking sucks to be this tired. I seriously walk across the room and I am done. It pisses me off that medication that is supposed to help you makes you feel like shit. I don't know what to say but this is bullshit. I am staying strong but you reach a breaking point when you feel so dam sick and so dam tired that you cant do anything at all. I have this horrible thing going on still where I can smell the chemo still. I get a whiff of it here and there and I get nauseous. Any fucked up smell anywhere near me I can pick up on. It is just a odd feeling. I don't know man this is just a big ass cluster fuck. Cancer, thanks for that big ass fucking bomb I need to deal with. Yeah I am pissed off today about the whole thing. I am fucking pissed off that I can't get my ass out of bed and go do shit that I need to do.
The more you sit here and think about it the more you realize they were right. There is nothing and I mean NOTHING you can do about it. Shut up take your medicine young man. That is all you can do. You wake up one day and someone says hi you have cancer, now your life will change..... aaaaaaaannnnnd go! That's it. Nothing you can do. You just have to deal with the cards that you have in your hand. Even when you don't want to. Some days you feel like this is it man I can not take any more of this shit. So yes, today folks I have had it, I am sick if being sick, This last round kicked my ass good. I just need to keep crawling to get back up. I geel like I am stuck in a padded cell for now screaming and clawing to get out. I will get out. I always do.
SMIB \m/
I was up and out of bed by 5:30 and had dinner. After dinner again I was so tired so I decided to call my 24 hour hot line to my oncologist or one of the other oncologists that would be on call. Once they called back I explained my concern on why the hell am I so dam tired so far into the week. I was told everything I feel is expected and that she would have my oncologist call me direct tomorrow and maybe go in to run some tests see if my counts are low and contributing to my being so tired. Well I hoe so because this fucking sucks to be this tired. I seriously walk across the room and I am done. It pisses me off that medication that is supposed to help you makes you feel like shit. I don't know what to say but this is bullshit. I am staying strong but you reach a breaking point when you feel so dam sick and so dam tired that you cant do anything at all. I have this horrible thing going on still where I can smell the chemo still. I get a whiff of it here and there and I get nauseous. Any fucked up smell anywhere near me I can pick up on. It is just a odd feeling. I don't know man this is just a big ass cluster fuck. Cancer, thanks for that big ass fucking bomb I need to deal with. Yeah I am pissed off today about the whole thing. I am fucking pissed off that I can't get my ass out of bed and go do shit that I need to do.
The more you sit here and think about it the more you realize they were right. There is nothing and I mean NOTHING you can do about it. Shut up take your medicine young man. That is all you can do. You wake up one day and someone says hi you have cancer, now your life will change..... aaaaaaaannnnnd go! That's it. Nothing you can do. You just have to deal with the cards that you have in your hand. Even when you don't want to. Some days you feel like this is it man I can not take any more of this shit. So yes, today folks I have had it, I am sick if being sick, This last round kicked my ass good. I just need to keep crawling to get back up. I geel like I am stuck in a padded cell for now screaming and clawing to get out. I will get out. I always do.
SMIB \m/
http://www.guitarworld.com/metalli-yeah-hear-every-james-hetfield-yeah-ever-recorded/25006
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Nice Thanks that was cool!
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