I want to take this post in a different direction. I have done this once or twice over the last year but now more than ever I want to touch on a few things I may not have gone into very much. First off I have been doing great as far as my health. in between doctors appointments and checkups I found that there exists "LIFE". What a concept I told myself. All the stresses and problems, joys and happy moments are right back where they have always been. Not much changes. You are alive to experience all of it. No one has a guarantee that life will be one way or another. You can sit on the bench and not get in the game. Just watch life pass you by as you do nothing. Or get in the game and test your limits.
I won't lie and say that this experience with cancer didn't affect me. It most definitely has. I am more aware of life and what I have control over. I chose that shit. I make it happen or don't make it happen. We all go through hardships in life. Not I or any one person has it harder or easier than the other. If you have great things in life you busted your ass for it. Yes there are snakes in the grass that get it all handed to them. But no one said life is fair either. Those people have what I call the fake life. The fake success. They can not look in the mirror and be proud of what they have because the face staring back at them knows they got to where they are by deceit and cheating. Their day will come.
What I am talking about is true power and true accomplishment. Something you can look at and say "fuck yeah I did that, that was all me". Win lose or draw we have the strength in us all to get what we want. Some believe in the power of prayer and others believe in the law of attraction. Believe in something hard enough and ask the universe and in time you attract what you ask for. Then there is that old pain in the ass way called "busting your ass". I have some faith in all three of those things. I have pushed myself in testing my limits in life. I look at every new challenge and think, I have overcome some hardships in my life. How can I quit now. Every time I think "shit I can't do this" I have to utter to myself "you beat cancer what the fuck man".
It is not easy to accomplish your goals in life. They all need dedication and commitment. And sometimes you have to test the limits of your mind body and spirit. I have noticed that they all go together hand in hand. Once my spirit breaks, and that is the first to go, then the rest follows. You will never get anywhere like that. I broke the rules after my weight gain from cancer treatments. I was angry. I was mad at the whole situation. How can I gain over 40 lbs on chemo. I had it in my hard head already that it was going to be hard to get back in the mind set of training and losing the weight. I already set myself up to fail. Just by thinking that way I was defeated.
During the 10 weeks of recovery from radiation I was so weak that all I could do was simple slow cardio and some light lifting. After the port removal I was restricted to just cardio. My spirit was crushed and I let that depressing state set in. The feeling of being overweight after I told myself "never again" I was never going to gain weight again. Never let myself go. After some time of feeling sorry for myself I kicked my ass and said "Test your Limits" I had to push my body to edge. I had to battle the fears I had in my mind that I couldn't do this. I had to prove that I could. With anything in life we need to test those limits to obtain the best. To be proud of what we accomplish. Not just get it handed to us. We need to work hard and make that shit happen. There are times when you want to give up hope. Times when other will say "you can't" These are the times you step up to life and do it. We all have fear of failing. We all are the same. Testing your limits will show you what you are made of. And If you can't get it the first time, never give up.
I am proud to say that I have been pushing myself and testing my limits the last few months. I have dropped from 226 lbs to 199 lbs and close to my original weight of 185 lbs. I have some very rough days in my training and some very awesome days. But I know what my goals are and I know how to achieve them. Whether it is to stay in shape or anything else in my life. Cancer did its best to take away everything in my life from health to financial situations. Testing my limits. That is the theme here. How do I get control of my life again. How do I get back to where I was before all this happened. Step back don't blame anyone and just focus on making things better. I was a victim of looking back in life. I have been there myself and I have seen many people go on and on about the past. "Well back in the day..." Hey fucker.... those days are gone. What does last year have to do with today? Nothing. I mean shit, I don't want to sound like a fucking motivation meme but don't look in the rear view mirror. Am I right?
We have all seen that one. Life's not fair. Things will get in your way. Man up or Woman up and get it fucking done. No one will hand it to you. If you want it there will be a struggle and a war in your mind to get over the fear you have and just go get what you want. These limits exist only in your mind. Get out and get what you are worth. What does that one song say.. Haters gonna hate blah blah blah lol. Let them hate. Don't surround yourself with that poison attitude. It is hard to walk away from people in life. So many showed me their true colors and I see now my true friends my supporters are all that matter. Shit I am what matters. For my wellbeing I surround myself with happy and positive people. And I try to pass that along.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, now if you excuse me I need to go make shit happen.
SMIB \m/
I won't lie and say that this experience with cancer didn't affect me. It most definitely has. I am more aware of life and what I have control over. I chose that shit. I make it happen or don't make it happen. We all go through hardships in life. Not I or any one person has it harder or easier than the other. If you have great things in life you busted your ass for it. Yes there are snakes in the grass that get it all handed to them. But no one said life is fair either. Those people have what I call the fake life. The fake success. They can not look in the mirror and be proud of what they have because the face staring back at them knows they got to where they are by deceit and cheating. Their day will come.
What I am talking about is true power and true accomplishment. Something you can look at and say "fuck yeah I did that, that was all me". Win lose or draw we have the strength in us all to get what we want. Some believe in the power of prayer and others believe in the law of attraction. Believe in something hard enough and ask the universe and in time you attract what you ask for. Then there is that old pain in the ass way called "busting your ass". I have some faith in all three of those things. I have pushed myself in testing my limits in life. I look at every new challenge and think, I have overcome some hardships in my life. How can I quit now. Every time I think "shit I can't do this" I have to utter to myself "you beat cancer what the fuck man".
It is not easy to accomplish your goals in life. They all need dedication and commitment. And sometimes you have to test the limits of your mind body and spirit. I have noticed that they all go together hand in hand. Once my spirit breaks, and that is the first to go, then the rest follows. You will never get anywhere like that. I broke the rules after my weight gain from cancer treatments. I was angry. I was mad at the whole situation. How can I gain over 40 lbs on chemo. I had it in my hard head already that it was going to be hard to get back in the mind set of training and losing the weight. I already set myself up to fail. Just by thinking that way I was defeated.
During the 10 weeks of recovery from radiation I was so weak that all I could do was simple slow cardio and some light lifting. After the port removal I was restricted to just cardio. My spirit was crushed and I let that depressing state set in. The feeling of being overweight after I told myself "never again" I was never going to gain weight again. Never let myself go. After some time of feeling sorry for myself I kicked my ass and said "Test your Limits" I had to push my body to edge. I had to battle the fears I had in my mind that I couldn't do this. I had to prove that I could. With anything in life we need to test those limits to obtain the best. To be proud of what we accomplish. Not just get it handed to us. We need to work hard and make that shit happen. There are times when you want to give up hope. Times when other will say "you can't" These are the times you step up to life and do it. We all have fear of failing. We all are the same. Testing your limits will show you what you are made of. And If you can't get it the first time, never give up.
I am proud to say that I have been pushing myself and testing my limits the last few months. I have dropped from 226 lbs to 199 lbs and close to my original weight of 185 lbs. I have some very rough days in my training and some very awesome days. But I know what my goals are and I know how to achieve them. Whether it is to stay in shape or anything else in my life. Cancer did its best to take away everything in my life from health to financial situations. Testing my limits. That is the theme here. How do I get control of my life again. How do I get back to where I was before all this happened. Step back don't blame anyone and just focus on making things better. I was a victim of looking back in life. I have been there myself and I have seen many people go on and on about the past. "Well back in the day..." Hey fucker.... those days are gone. What does last year have to do with today? Nothing. I mean shit, I don't want to sound like a fucking motivation meme but don't look in the rear view mirror. Am I right?
We have all seen that one. Life's not fair. Things will get in your way. Man up or Woman up and get it fucking done. No one will hand it to you. If you want it there will be a struggle and a war in your mind to get over the fear you have and just go get what you want. These limits exist only in your mind. Get out and get what you are worth. What does that one song say.. Haters gonna hate blah blah blah lol. Let them hate. Don't surround yourself with that poison attitude. It is hard to walk away from people in life. So many showed me their true colors and I see now my true friends my supporters are all that matter. Shit I am what matters. For my wellbeing I surround myself with happy and positive people. And I try to pass that along.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, now if you excuse me I need to go make shit happen.
SMIB \m/
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First of all, great for you Pat. YOu kicked the shit outta this and so glad to hear you are doing so well.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I couldn't agree w/ you more. Now I haven't gone thru cancer, but you know about the situation and trouble w/ Amanda this year. In all my life, I have NEVER put more work into something and by that I mean bettering myself. Mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc. Between all of my research, inspirations from people like you, therapy, self-help, etc., I have found that there is nothing we can't accomplish if we really want it. And I mean NOTHING. I thought I was a lost cause most of my life. Ridden w/ Catholic guilt, never felt good enough due to the cold emotionless relationship w/ my Mom most of my life, shitty intimate relationships, etc. I finally, after 45 years, figured out that being a bitch, and blaming everyone else for my "fucked up life" was b.s. I had no one to blame but me for not handling shit. Sure, many others contributed to all the negativity but fuck them. It was and is up to me to take care of me. I hate to sound preachy but I feel strongly about the power of helping yourself.
No matter how long it takes to figure it out the point is you figured it out. Just makes us better people in the end man. I will be in touch soon.
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