Well here we are. I made it this far and I feel good. Nervous for sure. But I do feel good. Next week at this time I will be fasting for my Monday morning pet scan. I have to say that I am on edge. I am both excited and nervous to get this scan done. This is the big one. The past year of cancer treatments all come down to this. It is extremely nerve wracking to even think about it. I have been keeping myself busy with tons of new things I am working on as well as just busting my ass in the gym. I have been getting more and more energy so my endurance has been pretty good. I have really put together a good workout routine that has really been working for me.
I can feel my muscles get nice and sore. This routine is working out great for me now. I have come to terms with the fact that it will take months for me to really get strong again and double that to feel as I did before treatment. Does it suck? Yeah, sure it does. I know there is not much more I can do but keep pushing forward and just do a bit more than I can. Just push myself a bit harder every day. I am very happy with the progress considering what I have just been through. I on the other hand really can't stand that none of my clothes fit. I feel like a sausage about to pop in my jeans lol. I Have dropped eighteen lbs since I finished chemo. Now I have about twenty more to go. It will take time so in the meantime I am wearing some of the fat clothes I just so happened to have kept around. I had a bag of them I was going to give to goodwill. They are way to big but my normal clothes are too tight. So I am in the middle and not in the mood to spend cash and go buy new clothes.Still look at it this way. I am still here! That my friends is really all that matters. I find myself complaining about the dumb shit and I laugh. I think "wow man really, this is an issue?" Then I stop myself and just smile and think things could be worse. Yeah Money problems have really hit hard and my car being condemned really sucks. I have my life. That is more important. I understand that now. After looking back at my life I realize how much time I wasted on nonsense. Wasted time on people that never mattered. Those of you that have followed my blog from the beginning know how people had turned their backs on me. Even writing about it is a waste of time. But the fact that I really want this blog to make a difference to someone who is just starting the fight. I really want to emphasize that these things happen.
Everyone in your life will take one road or the other. It is sad but true. Take it as it comes. The ones that leave mean nothing. They never cared to begin with. Surround yourself with the best people you can. Reach out to other cancer patients and cancer survivors to help you. I have been lucky to have so many survivors and current patience help me along the way. I hope that those who find this blog find some help and can see the real ups and downs of the fight. We all have good and bad days. The best is that good days are more often than the bad ones. I am in a good place now. I have found peace with all the bullshit that has happened. I honestly don't care too much about any of the meaningless shit anymore. This can really help and make you a better person. And really you don't have to have gone through a life threatening disease to do this. But it does open your eyes.
None the less here we are almost a year later and I am both happy and a nervous at the same time. I guess I can't blame myself for that. The fear of having to go through all that again really sets in and takes hold. As I move on from this point on I just keep my mind and spirit calm and look for the best outcome possible. This next week is going to be a tough one but I have my daughter on spring break so we will be busy. This should keep my mind off things and keep me occupied. I have been cooped up in my house for almost a year and now that the weather is cooperating it will be nice to get out and do things that I really haven't been able to.
Living life is what's on the agenda because as I said before, as long as your feet hit the floor in the morning there is nothing to worry about.
SMIB \m/
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" The winner fails more times than the loser even attempts"
ReplyDeleteVery true my friend!
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