All Hallows Eve. Ah what a night. One of my favorites. Although today kind of sucked for me since I wasted all my energy on the phone with Verizon trying to figure out why all I do is drop calls in my house. Of course they gave me the best excuse I have ever heard in my life. "We do not guaranty service in a building". I really have nothing more to say about that. After that long ass phone call I ran to the store and that is when I was hit with no energy. That just shot my whole day. To say the least that really screwed my chance to go out and trick or treat with my little one. But she did bring in quite the haul of candy.
Still I have a hundred more Halloweens to make up for this one. Just keeping that in mind made it better. The most important thing for me today was to just rest. I started to get some crazy anxiety because the damn energy drain came out of nowhere. I had to hold it together and try to eat something and then rest. I guess I just haven't been eating as much as I should. The steroids start to wear off this late into the second week. I don't really get that hungry. By the time I realize I didn't eat enough I get really tired.
That's two days in a row now of this bullshit and I have to figure out why. I keep thinking maybe since I started leaving the house and doing shit as early as Tuesday. That could be the reason why I am so tired now. No idea just a theory. But now that I ate and got some sleep I do feel much better. It is so hard to explain how I feel. I am trying to put it in words so I can actually even explain it to myself. The crazy thing is once I feel the energy drain. Anxiety just hits like crazy. Because as we with anxiety say. "you know I'm not gonna die, I know I'm not gonna die, but Mr. Anxiety thinks differently".
Needless to say Mr. Anxiety is an asshole. Soon I will figure this one out. For now I just need to try and eat and just listen to my body when I need rest. That is the best thing at this point. I realize that the last few weeks now I just have to be extra careful and get as much rest as possible. My body is fighting for my life right now more than ever so I need to listen up and make smart choices about what I should be doing. The last few chemo treatments has taught me a whole lot more than anything did at the start of this. These last few weeks has just been very hard to stay on track. Takes a lot out of me to find that strength I had when I started.
It's ok because at this point in my life there is no giving up. I have learned a lot about myself during this whole journey. I guess they say when you are alone for so long every day you at some point find yourself. I am close to finding who I really am. Get back to you when I talk to myself.
SMIB \m/
Still I have a hundred more Halloweens to make up for this one. Just keeping that in mind made it better. The most important thing for me today was to just rest. I started to get some crazy anxiety because the damn energy drain came out of nowhere. I had to hold it together and try to eat something and then rest. I guess I just haven't been eating as much as I should. The steroids start to wear off this late into the second week. I don't really get that hungry. By the time I realize I didn't eat enough I get really tired.
That's two days in a row now of this bullshit and I have to figure out why. I keep thinking maybe since I started leaving the house and doing shit as early as Tuesday. That could be the reason why I am so tired now. No idea just a theory. But now that I ate and got some sleep I do feel much better. It is so hard to explain how I feel. I am trying to put it in words so I can actually even explain it to myself. The crazy thing is once I feel the energy drain. Anxiety just hits like crazy. Because as we with anxiety say. "you know I'm not gonna die, I know I'm not gonna die, but Mr. Anxiety thinks differently".
Needless to say Mr. Anxiety is an asshole. Soon I will figure this one out. For now I just need to try and eat and just listen to my body when I need rest. That is the best thing at this point. I realize that the last few weeks now I just have to be extra careful and get as much rest as possible. My body is fighting for my life right now more than ever so I need to listen up and make smart choices about what I should be doing. The last few chemo treatments has taught me a whole lot more than anything did at the start of this. These last few weeks has just been very hard to stay on track. Takes a lot out of me to find that strength I had when I started.
It's ok because at this point in my life there is no giving up. I have learned a lot about myself during this whole journey. I guess they say when you are alone for so long every day you at some point find yourself. I am close to finding who I really am. Get back to you when I talk to myself.
SMIB \m/
Hang tough, my friend.
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