I guess this will be last nights blog because I really did not sleep at all list night. I may have gotten a bit of sleep here and there. Nothing Substantial. The night before I did not sleep well because I was just anxious to get this treatment over with. That was not a good move considering this treatment kicked my ass all over the place. Thank god acupuncture took away the nausea and anxiety. I was up all night but at least there was no anxiety. Main issue obviously the steroids keep me up. Although I laid in bed from the moment I was home from acupuncture I just could not fall asleep for a long period of time.
The muscle soreness bothered me all night and my back was killing me. I cleared with my oncologist yesterday that I can use the inversion table. I will start using that on a daily basis. This back pain has to stop! Heartburn kept me up like a mother fucker. I mean it was horrible. Heartburn, gas and bloated. This was no fun whatsoever. Chemo brain is in high gear now and will last a week or so. Again great that there is no anxiety because that would just make this shit worse.
I have more anger than anything. Obviously no one wants to feel weak and feel like they need to depend on others. I don't depend on others. That is not my thing. I get shit done for myself. Obviously going through cancer you need a support group to help you with many things. Amazing I can not count on some people. It's the harsh reality of cancer. It is not a pretty sight. But I am ready to fuck this shit up. I am using my anger in a positive way. I went through hell last night with pain and discomfort. It pissed me off. It got the fuel inside burning. Fuck this shit, I will not let it take me down. It got me yesterday. Oh it kicked my ass and humbled me. And you know what that's ok. Maybe I was getting too ahead of myself and this came along to really test me and show me that life is not to be taken for granted. I should not always be Mr. Nice guy.
I have one more left. I can say that now. I can look forward to all this shit to get behind me. I have the date of my pet scan for November 30th. Then back to see my oncologist on December 3rd. So that's It, December 3rd will be the day I know that all this hell I just went though did its job. My new birthday so to speak. December 3rd. Now I have my eye on that day. Then it is time to recover and get started back in my life. Now I will look at things a whole lot different. I will not waste time with bullshit. This process has already started in my life and I feel great about it. Using my anger to focus on surviving the rest of this. So far today I am tired and still the heartburn is a bitch. Well see how the day rolls but for sure I will be trying to get some sleep somehow.
SMIB \m/
The muscle soreness bothered me all night and my back was killing me. I cleared with my oncologist yesterday that I can use the inversion table. I will start using that on a daily basis. This back pain has to stop! Heartburn kept me up like a mother fucker. I mean it was horrible. Heartburn, gas and bloated. This was no fun whatsoever. Chemo brain is in high gear now and will last a week or so. Again great that there is no anxiety because that would just make this shit worse.
I have more anger than anything. Obviously no one wants to feel weak and feel like they need to depend on others. I don't depend on others. That is not my thing. I get shit done for myself. Obviously going through cancer you need a support group to help you with many things. Amazing I can not count on some people. It's the harsh reality of cancer. It is not a pretty sight. But I am ready to fuck this shit up. I am using my anger in a positive way. I went through hell last night with pain and discomfort. It pissed me off. It got the fuel inside burning. Fuck this shit, I will not let it take me down. It got me yesterday. Oh it kicked my ass and humbled me. And you know what that's ok. Maybe I was getting too ahead of myself and this came along to really test me and show me that life is not to be taken for granted. I should not always be Mr. Nice guy.
I have one more left. I can say that now. I can look forward to all this shit to get behind me. I have the date of my pet scan for November 30th. Then back to see my oncologist on December 3rd. So that's It, December 3rd will be the day I know that all this hell I just went though did its job. My new birthday so to speak. December 3rd. Now I have my eye on that day. Then it is time to recover and get started back in my life. Now I will look at things a whole lot different. I will not waste time with bullshit. This process has already started in my life and I feel great about it. Using my anger to focus on surviving the rest of this. So far today I am tired and still the heartburn is a bitch. Well see how the day rolls but for sure I will be trying to get some sleep somehow.
SMIB \m/
In my hour of need
Ha you're not there
And though I reached out for you
Wouldn't lend a hand
Ha you're not there
And though I reached out for you
Wouldn't lend a hand
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