My patience is wearing thin this weekend. I keep waking up feeling like I have more energy than I really do. My mind really has a massive to do list every day and my body just will not cooperate. I think this is really what torture would be like. Imagine you want to just get up and do something and you just can't. I know I have said this a million times. Honestly it is just a big fucking joke. I think now I am just losing patience. After six months of this or so I have really had it. I have good days and bad days for sure. The days that start to feel like it will be a decent day then turns around to shit. Well I hate those days.
I really hate to depend on anyone to do shit for me. It really is just a pain in the ass. That is life for me for now. I just have to make it through a few more weeks. Today is just a day where my fuse is very short. I am plagued by chemo brain, some neuropathy and that damn feeling that i am cooking from the inside out. That means I want ice cream. It doesn't help that the steroids are in full force on my hunger. I am constantly starving today and it is not helping me feel any better. Thank the lord I have no anxiety. I think I am just to pissed and tired to have anxiety.
I knew this last chemo treatment was going to really test me. I have to say I am being tested like never before. I think the worst part is just knowing that I have to sit and wait. I am not a fan of waiting. Well today is a just a tough day. Need to go to bed and try again tomorrow. And tomorrow I will have the ice cream I so am craving for today. That will make it such a better day! I am honestly feeling like a dog that has been locked in the house for months. I just want to go outside and run around. I just need to get out of the fucking house soon. That is that for today I am just not feeling it today at all. Taken everything I have to stay in the right frame of mind. These days come and go and I just have to roll with it.
SMIB \m/
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