As more time goes on it is amazing to me how life after cancer can get unfocused. Life can get crazy without cancer as it is. Once you get used to the scheduled doctor's appointments and treatments it can be hard once its all over to go back to normal life. As if there is a "normal" life to go back to. Once you get that news that you have cancer life changes. My favorite phrase I have used before " life turns on a dime". Once you experience that change it becomes your new way of life. Walking out the other side can be startling. Once they tell you that you are fine they tell you to just go back to your life. As if life is somehow supposed to go back to normal.
The recovery process is slow and tedious. You set your mind to it and just move forward with life. I knew what I needed to get done and made my plan. Well at least I thought I had a plan. Things got unfocused and unclear for some parts of my life. Working out and music, yeah that was clear. I knew from day one when they gave me the good news that I was going to get back in the gym and work my ass off to get myself back into shape. Having the confirmation from my doctors that working out and losing all that weight was a big part of why I made it to the other side of this. That alone gives me the motivation to continue to work out and get back in shape. I got very frustrated for a while because it has been hard this time around to do what I did before. Granted this time I am also recovering from cancer while I try to get into shape.
The results are showing and I am finally getting back on track. This has made me more focused and determined to keep up with my health. With my workouts being more focused my music was next on the list. Getting back to guitar was just an amazing feeling since I suffered from neuropathy during my cancer treatments. I still have some small issues with neuropathy but not enough to really bother my playing. It bothers me when I am still and just at a relaxed state. It's minor if anything and not as bad as it was during treatments. I am excited to get back on stage and play but I am doing my best to not rush the band out before we are ready.
Even with the my working out and music starting to come into focus I still was missing some structure. Still missing whatever "normal" was. Was there even a "normal"? It does feel like you are that road to nowhere. You're better, your cancer is gone but now what? How do you get back to where life was before. It's impossible to even think it can be the same. What I am starting to understand is that it doesn't have to be the same. It can be different, It can be better. You know, in some ways it is. As I have said before this changes you. It really makes you look at life in a whole new way. That way may be different for everyone who goes through this. For me, well for me all I can say is that every day I just keep figuring it all out.
The next chapter is being written and I have front row seats so to speak. From here I know that I have so much more control over my life than I did before. I can see the mistakes I made and how to just adjust them and make life better. There is so much negativity in the world and so much hate and jealousy within so many people. It's hard to see the divine in those people. It's supposed to be there by the way. We are taught to see the good in everyone. I struggle with that but I do promise myself to keep trying. I don't expect a miracle in that department. I have made it my goal to just brush away the negative crap and just look forward to only the things that matter to me. It may seem very selfish but at the end of the day those that invade your positive space with negativity just need to be removed from your space.
As always thank you for checking in and if you are someone that is on this journey or a caregiver I hope through some of my crazy writings you can feel that you are not alone in what you feel. Cancer does not discriminate. It just takes who it wants. Stay strong and keep fighting. There is always light a head. Until next time, Namaste
SMIB \m/
The recovery process is slow and tedious. You set your mind to it and just move forward with life. I knew what I needed to get done and made my plan. Well at least I thought I had a plan. Things got unfocused and unclear for some parts of my life. Working out and music, yeah that was clear. I knew from day one when they gave me the good news that I was going to get back in the gym and work my ass off to get myself back into shape. Having the confirmation from my doctors that working out and losing all that weight was a big part of why I made it to the other side of this. That alone gives me the motivation to continue to work out and get back in shape. I got very frustrated for a while because it has been hard this time around to do what I did before. Granted this time I am also recovering from cancer while I try to get into shape.
The results are showing and I am finally getting back on track. This has made me more focused and determined to keep up with my health. With my workouts being more focused my music was next on the list. Getting back to guitar was just an amazing feeling since I suffered from neuropathy during my cancer treatments. I still have some small issues with neuropathy but not enough to really bother my playing. It bothers me when I am still and just at a relaxed state. It's minor if anything and not as bad as it was during treatments. I am excited to get back on stage and play but I am doing my best to not rush the band out before we are ready.
Even with the my working out and music starting to come into focus I still was missing some structure. Still missing whatever "normal" was. Was there even a "normal"? It does feel like you are that road to nowhere. You're better, your cancer is gone but now what? How do you get back to where life was before. It's impossible to even think it can be the same. What I am starting to understand is that it doesn't have to be the same. It can be different, It can be better. You know, in some ways it is. As I have said before this changes you. It really makes you look at life in a whole new way. That way may be different for everyone who goes through this. For me, well for me all I can say is that every day I just keep figuring it all out.
The next chapter is being written and I have front row seats so to speak. From here I know that I have so much more control over my life than I did before. I can see the mistakes I made and how to just adjust them and make life better. There is so much negativity in the world and so much hate and jealousy within so many people. It's hard to see the divine in those people. It's supposed to be there by the way. We are taught to see the good in everyone. I struggle with that but I do promise myself to keep trying. I don't expect a miracle in that department. I have made it my goal to just brush away the negative crap and just look forward to only the things that matter to me. It may seem very selfish but at the end of the day those that invade your positive space with negativity just need to be removed from your space.
As always thank you for checking in and if you are someone that is on this journey or a caregiver I hope through some of my crazy writings you can feel that you are not alone in what you feel. Cancer does not discriminate. It just takes who it wants. Stay strong and keep fighting. There is always light a head. Until next time, Namaste
SMIB \m/
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