It has been some time since my last blog. Now we are here the eve of my Six month check up. I have been nervous to say the least. The last few weeks I have tried to keep it out of my mind but it loves to sneak back in there. The days closer to today my anxiety started to heat up to defcon four. I have been keeping busy as usual but in this situation, as I love to say.. It is what it is. On the flip side of the coin I have been feeling great. My energy has been snapping back and I am working out harder in the gym. The mind fuck of cancer is exactly that. It's a mind fuck. Knowing that the scan is coming up really gets the anxiety up a notch or two. One of the hardest things I have had to learn during all this is that you need to just continue to live life and not worry so much about cancer.
It is funny that even now when I try to write the word I stop before I type it. Fuck off cancer no one wants you here anyway. Let alone even speak your name. Still It has to be said because we cant run away from it. It is something that needs to be faced head on. I keep up with healthy living no matter what I have to do. Keeping my anxiety at a low hum this last week or so has been tough. I have tried to stay busy and not let it interfere with my life. With both my kids celebrating birthdays within weeks of each other life has been good. They remind me why I started this fight to begin with. I am so very proud of both of them and watching them grow up is amazing.
So many times things get tossed in life's path. You either take it head on or try to swerve around it. To be honest just facing things head on usually is the best thing to do. In a crazy world where people start riots and walk out of school because they emotionally can't handle who became president, here I and others sit a whole lot more worried about staying healthy and making sure this monster never comes back. Kind of makes all that other shit very little in the grand scheme of things.
Here I am the night before my scan feeling calm and secure in the fact that I have beaten down the demon and staying positive and staying on my path to good health. I wont lie and say that I am anxious and that I have had a hard time keeping my head on straight. Christ sakes I locked myself out of my own house today. After walking out and realizing that my keys were still inside panic ensued. Full on panic after a few minutes and some lock picking techniques I made it back inside. Note to self "hide a key somewhere". Anxiety is something I have come to realize is a part of my life that I either control or it will control me. Once in awhile it's the latter. The last few days it has been trying to keep me down. Just need to knock this scan out and get back to life. Time for me to call it a night. I start to drink that great chalky shit for my CT Scan in the morning! If I could only mix it with some protein powder...
SMIB \m/
It is funny that even now when I try to write the word I stop before I type it. Fuck off cancer no one wants you here anyway. Let alone even speak your name. Still It has to be said because we cant run away from it. It is something that needs to be faced head on. I keep up with healthy living no matter what I have to do. Keeping my anxiety at a low hum this last week or so has been tough. I have tried to stay busy and not let it interfere with my life. With both my kids celebrating birthdays within weeks of each other life has been good. They remind me why I started this fight to begin with. I am so very proud of both of them and watching them grow up is amazing.
So many times things get tossed in life's path. You either take it head on or try to swerve around it. To be honest just facing things head on usually is the best thing to do. In a crazy world where people start riots and walk out of school because they emotionally can't handle who became president, here I and others sit a whole lot more worried about staying healthy and making sure this monster never comes back. Kind of makes all that other shit very little in the grand scheme of things.
Here I am the night before my scan feeling calm and secure in the fact that I have beaten down the demon and staying positive and staying on my path to good health. I wont lie and say that I am anxious and that I have had a hard time keeping my head on straight. Christ sakes I locked myself out of my own house today. After walking out and realizing that my keys were still inside panic ensued. Full on panic after a few minutes and some lock picking techniques I made it back inside. Note to self "hide a key somewhere". Anxiety is something I have come to realize is a part of my life that I either control or it will control me. Once in awhile it's the latter. The last few days it has been trying to keep me down. Just need to knock this scan out and get back to life. Time for me to call it a night. I start to drink that great chalky shit for my CT Scan in the morning! If I could only mix it with some protein powder...
SMIB \m/
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