The Razor...

Well it's been a few weeks since my last update. Things have been going good. My anxiety has been buzzing at a very low hum but bugging me none the less. It is better than it has been this past year. Past year... those simple few words now mean something different to me. Some days the last year seem like a blink of an eye. Others it feels like it took forever. I am getting stronger physically. My workouts have been great. Some days the energy is not there but it is more than it is not. I have been continuing this fight every day. The fight starts with beating cancer and continues mentally afterwards.

The hardest part of life after cancer is trying not to think about it returning. I want to say it never pops up in my mind but I would be lying if I told you that. It sneaks up in my mind almost every day. I do keep busy so that these thoughts stay out of my mind. Or at the very least I don't pay attention to them. It won’t be long now for my three month checkup. I feel confident that things are going well. I suppose that would be my positive attitude talking. Not that there is anything wrong with thinking that way.

I have been on a short hiatus doing any blogging or videos lately to try and get some sense of normality to my life. Being that I have always been a pretty private person I wouldn't broadcast every time I would wipe my ass. It feels like since Facebook has been around all anyone every wants to know is what you are doing every five seconds of the day. That's a bit much. Now Facebook has become a field of experts on gun laws, gorillas, who gets to take a piss in what bathroom and best of all everyone knows what is best for this country.

Funny thing is that everyone is just screaming into a void where no one will hear you. Someone shoots a gorilla and we all forget about who is pissing in what bathroom. Someone dies and we forget about the crossdressing gorilla. That would be something between Magilla Gorilla and Klinger from M*A*S*H. So needless to say I have been lying low and just soaking in life. I have to go back to one of my older blogs and remember about unplugging every now and then. My phone is always going off and I am really tired of answering as quickly as I can.

I have a bad habit of just dropping everything for anyone at any moment. Although that sentiment is never returned. In all honesty we all should learn to unplug every now and then. The phone and social media can wait. Remember the days you actually had to wait until you got home to check your Facebook? That was murder wasn’t it? Well I have realized every time my phone notification goes off I start to get pissed. Most days it's a text then 2 seconds later another Facebook notification and on and on, someone give me back my Motorola flip phone!

I suppose at the end of the day it is not so hard to realize that we are but a spec in this great universe. The bigger picture is hard to grasp. We have all been put on this earth for a reason. We spend all our time here trying to figure out why we’re here. The answer is right there in front of us. Just be kind to each other and be happy. It’s almost too simple really. I can say I have been close to death. How close I can't say but I can guarantee you anyone that hears the word cancer come out of the doctor's mouth is going to feel the same.

There are days much like this one where I really have no idea where my life is going. I can tell you that whatever time I do have left here I will make the most of it doing what I love and what I want. Even though I have lost faith in my fellow man I still move forward.

Until next time. 

SMIB