The waiting game......

It's been a week since my last post. I have been doing better everyday. I am excited that the weight that I gained is slowly coming off. At this point I still am feeling the effects of the radiation. Mostly it is all fatigue that I feel. I can only do so much in the gym. The main thing is I am in the gym. I am just praying that the fatigue starts to lesson. Some days if I push myself I still only have enough energy to last until five or six in the evening.

I rest and then get a bit more energy for a few hours. It still sucks being this tired but I manage to get things done. As I said before, this waiting is the worst part. Obviously it is stressful to have to sit for eight weeks until I get results. In the meantime I have been talking to someone at the hospital. She would come around and talk to me once a month during my chemo treatments. It's been helping me deal with many things in my life. These people are around cancer so much they understand where you are emotionally.  Cancer affects every aspect of your life. It is not easy to deal with alone. Not saying I am alone. I am grateful for everyone that has been helping me and has been there for me. 

The hardest part is that no one can really understand what you are going through. Getting back to normal life is the hardest thing you can do. I though that part was going to be easy. Finish up treatment and bam just slide back into where I was where I left off. Yeah that was a joke. Life does not work that way. It is a slow moving process. I have accepted that and at least I am progressing forward. Slow is fine as long as it is going in the right direction. I am glad I took advantage of the therapy. Also keeping my mind busy with music has been helping also. I am very excited to get to jam out in the next few weeks. I am still rusty but fuck it it's rock and roll. I just want to get out and have fun and play some great music. 

The weather is starting to get better and that will help also. I can't believe I have been locked up in my house for almost a year. That's a year of trips to the hospital and back home to just sit around. I got out here and there but for the most part it has been a year of the worst case of cabin fever I have ever had. Just to get out is a treat. As long as my energy allows me to that is. Those are just the little things in life. It's been a decent week since I last posted. Besides the idiots who just took themselves off my facebook page because I do not like violent protests. lol. You got to love people who do not read your entire post and just look for keywords. 

I said it many times. Having to deal with cancer really opens your eyes. It may sound harsh but I could care less about anyone who is that disconnected with reality. It's easy to forget what life really means to you. We get busy and life takes over. We just think about everything besides what really matters. Maybe I am more tuned into that now. Who knows what it is. As I have said many times, I will not put up with drama from anyone. I could care less who it is. Living life on my own terms is something I am doing from now on. Some people are way too into their facebook page. I did a post a while ago about social media and how it has ruined what it means to be social. No one calls anyone anymore and I don't think anyone writes letters lol. You know with a pen and paper. Ah to reflect on the simple things. Some days I just want to unplug from my phone and laptop and get on my bike and ride. I think we all need that once in awhile. Maybe even... god forbid, talk to real people face to face. Who knows it could be all the rage some day. 

Well that's it for now. I may be back in a day or so to update some more. 

SMIB \m/ 

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