It's been a few weeks since my last blog post. Since then ... you guessed it, I am still waiting. It has been both a good and bad few weeks. My birthday for one was great. Happy to be alive a year later after being diagnosed with cancer is a great thing. Got to knock the rust off and get back out and play some music with some good friends. In the last few weeks I have been seeing a counselor at the hospital that has been helping me deal with the aftermath of treatment. Learning how to deal with the waiting game I am in the middle of. It's all a bit much for anyone to handle. I am now halfway through the waiting. I still have another month to wait for my pet scan. I hate waiting.
The last few weeks I have been slowly getting my energy back. That has felt great. I have been able to get out and do a bit more than normal. If I get enough rest I can schedule my day accordingly. Started to actually get back to lifting weights again. I had to stop for a few weeks because I was just not able to. My energy levels were still way to low. I was able to get cardio in and drop a few more lbs in the process. Last week I was able to start back to lifting. Yeah I am sore as fuck. But I love it.
Although I must say that my anxiety has been in a state of flux as of late. I haven't really had any bad episodes of panic until last night. Sometimes no matter how tough you think you are that anxiety monster will come calling. Last night it hit me pretty bad. The good thing is that I was able to fight back and prevent myself from getting bad enough to rush to the ER. The worst is knowing somehow that it is the anxiety yet you feel like you will die very soon. If you suffer from it you understand the struggle.
After beating back the anxiety monster last night I was able to get some sleep. This morning, or should I say early afternoon. Since I didn't get to bed until three in the morning I wasn't going to rise and shine with the early birds. I was able to get in the gym and kick in a good leg workout. Although by the time I was on the bike getting my cardio in the anxiety monster struck again. I hate that fucker when I am in the gym. Still I was not able to beat it back and couldn't finish my cardio. Anxiety really cripples you and stops you from getting every day shit done. I stay strong because I still have day to day shit that needs to get done.
Since my last post I learned that my car has taken a turn for the worst. To much rust damage under the car and the motor mounts will not support the engine. If I hit one bad pot hole ... game over. It's funny how life likes to throw shit at us when we are down on our luck. When we are down in the shit. I had to laugh thinking "what sick fucking test is this" I have to laugh. If you don't laugh when life tries to kick your ass, you will go down. You need to fight back and be tougher than all the bullshit that gets tossed your way. That is one of the biggest lessons I have learned through all this.
There is no time to feel sorry for yourself. No time to get down because that would be to easy. No need to take the easy way out in life. I have learned how my life is worth fighting for. Cancer or no cancer you need to fight for a life that is worth living. As fucked up as things get in life I can always see the good side. I have been through hell and the devil hates it when you smile back at him.
SMIB \m/
The last few weeks I have been slowly getting my energy back. That has felt great. I have been able to get out and do a bit more than normal. If I get enough rest I can schedule my day accordingly. Started to actually get back to lifting weights again. I had to stop for a few weeks because I was just not able to. My energy levels were still way to low. I was able to get cardio in and drop a few more lbs in the process. Last week I was able to start back to lifting. Yeah I am sore as fuck. But I love it.
Although I must say that my anxiety has been in a state of flux as of late. I haven't really had any bad episodes of panic until last night. Sometimes no matter how tough you think you are that anxiety monster will come calling. Last night it hit me pretty bad. The good thing is that I was able to fight back and prevent myself from getting bad enough to rush to the ER. The worst is knowing somehow that it is the anxiety yet you feel like you will die very soon. If you suffer from it you understand the struggle.
After beating back the anxiety monster last night I was able to get some sleep. This morning, or should I say early afternoon. Since I didn't get to bed until three in the morning I wasn't going to rise and shine with the early birds. I was able to get in the gym and kick in a good leg workout. Although by the time I was on the bike getting my cardio in the anxiety monster struck again. I hate that fucker when I am in the gym. Still I was not able to beat it back and couldn't finish my cardio. Anxiety really cripples you and stops you from getting every day shit done. I stay strong because I still have day to day shit that needs to get done.
Since my last post I learned that my car has taken a turn for the worst. To much rust damage under the car and the motor mounts will not support the engine. If I hit one bad pot hole ... game over. It's funny how life likes to throw shit at us when we are down on our luck. When we are down in the shit. I had to laugh thinking "what sick fucking test is this" I have to laugh. If you don't laugh when life tries to kick your ass, you will go down. You need to fight back and be tougher than all the bullshit that gets tossed your way. That is one of the biggest lessons I have learned through all this.
There is no time to feel sorry for yourself. No time to get down because that would be to easy. No need to take the easy way out in life. I have learned how my life is worth fighting for. Cancer or no cancer you need to fight for a life that is worth living. As fucked up as things get in life I can always see the good side. I have been through hell and the devil hates it when you smile back at him.
SMIB \m/
Listen to my podcast interview with Power Rock Podcast I did last week here
Keep on keepin on dude. Still want to get together soon, I've been dealing with some issues lately which is why you haven't heard much from me. Nothing as serious as you have been through but shitty just the same. Keep on keepin on, right?
ReplyDeleteJust let me know!! Yeah head up and look forward man that's all we can do!
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