Today was the day I finally went back to see my oncologist. My physical exam went well. No lumps growing out of me anywhere so that is a good sign. We had a good talk and then I was sent back upstairs where I would go for my chemo treatments to have my port flushed and blood drawn. Oh fun, fun. I knew they would have to use my port sooner or later. They can't just let it sit there unused for too long. How fun it was to have them jam me with that needle again. I had some flashbacks. Although it was a quick in and out deal. Now I am in a holding pattern again. Nothing I can do now until April when I have my pet scan. I am scheduled for my scan April 25th.
How does someone wait eight weeks without knowing what is going on. I have no idea. I did sit down with a counselor today at the cancer center. I have talked to her on and off during my chemo treatments. She would come and see me and ask how I am. Routine shit the hospital does for all cancer patients. Even though I am ten months into this now I can't pretend to be Mr. Tough guy. Going to get some emotional help will benefit me in the long run. Cancer is something that is not black and white. There are so many shades to the emotional ride you take when you deal with all this.
It takes a strong person to get help when they need it. I need to get to the bottom of my anxiety. Also believe it or not sitting here and waiting two months before I know if I am cancer free is not easy. This will be something new for me to learn to deal with. I have faith in myself that I will get through this. I am so happy with the team I put around me. They all genuinely care about me and that rocks. What more could you ask for. For now I just need to get my energy back. I have been getting my cardio in everyday. My energy is not bad but the fatigue still plagues me.
I just keep pushing forward and getting better everyday. As slow as this process is I need to remind myself. You would think I would have learned this by now. I am reminded everyday that I am not recovering from the flu. I am recovering from six months of chemo and twenty sessions of radiation. That is a hard pill to swallow. I am reminded everyday when I wake up hit the gym then start to burn out by late afternoon. Not exactly the ideal way I want to feel. I know soon enough things will get better.
So that is that kids. I sit in a holding pattern and focus on getting back in shape and working on my music. Spending time with my kids and family and friends and enjoying life that I will never take for granted. What a better way to live. That is the one positive out of all this hell. Knowing that at anytime something like this can happen really opens your eyes. And I know most people that have never had to suffer from something like this can never understand. Take it from me or ask anyone that has fought for their lives.
Stay frosty my friends.
SMIB \m/
How does someone wait eight weeks without knowing what is going on. I have no idea. I did sit down with a counselor today at the cancer center. I have talked to her on and off during my chemo treatments. She would come and see me and ask how I am. Routine shit the hospital does for all cancer patients. Even though I am ten months into this now I can't pretend to be Mr. Tough guy. Going to get some emotional help will benefit me in the long run. Cancer is something that is not black and white. There are so many shades to the emotional ride you take when you deal with all this.
It takes a strong person to get help when they need it. I need to get to the bottom of my anxiety. Also believe it or not sitting here and waiting two months before I know if I am cancer free is not easy. This will be something new for me to learn to deal with. I have faith in myself that I will get through this. I am so happy with the team I put around me. They all genuinely care about me and that rocks. What more could you ask for. For now I just need to get my energy back. I have been getting my cardio in everyday. My energy is not bad but the fatigue still plagues me.
I just keep pushing forward and getting better everyday. As slow as this process is I need to remind myself. You would think I would have learned this by now. I am reminded everyday that I am not recovering from the flu. I am recovering from six months of chemo and twenty sessions of radiation. That is a hard pill to swallow. I am reminded everyday when I wake up hit the gym then start to burn out by late afternoon. Not exactly the ideal way I want to feel. I know soon enough things will get better.
So that is that kids. I sit in a holding pattern and focus on getting back in shape and working on my music. Spending time with my kids and family and friends and enjoying life that I will never take for granted. What a better way to live. That is the one positive out of all this hell. Knowing that at anytime something like this can happen really opens your eyes. And I know most people that have never had to suffer from something like this can never understand. Take it from me or ask anyone that has fought for their lives.
Stay frosty my friends.
SMIB \m/
Glad to hear things seem to be going well dude. So sorry u hav to wait and wait and wait, ugh. Ur right, I can't even begin to fathom this. We got ur back tho man and just kno we all wait right along side you
ReplyDeleteThe waiting is the worst man. It's hard to keep going everyday not knowing. but hey it's the name of the game.
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