It has been quite a few days since my last update. The longest pause in my blogging since I have started. I filled the gap with video blogs which everyone seemed to like. Now that the radiation treatments have stopped I am getting the side effects. I was told that I would not feel anything until the third week and then for two weeks after. I have just been getting tired just like I did on my chemo. Not as bad as crash days but close. The crazy thing is that this comes on without warning, So this last weekend since the last day of radiation I have been a bit out of it.
I have been trying to adjust my diet now that I can hit the gym at full speed. I was on a weight loss restriction while I was in treatment. The proton radiation treatment is very specific. Losing weight would have messed up my treatment. Now I am finally getting my eating back on track and this last weekend my stomach was very angry with me. This of course is one of the things that really piss me off. Knowing that this weight gain was beyond my control doesn't make that fact that I feel uncomfortable any easier.
I laugh because I really try not to get angry. I still find that emotions about cancer and this situation are just not easy to deal with some days. Thinking back I know that I can not blame myself for this. Life really does have a way to guide us into places and situations that make us stronger and other destroy us. Finding your inner strength as I have said many times is what makes us so much stronger than we think we are. Going through this cancer battle has been tough. I have had my ups and downs. There is no real way to stay in a calm state when you fight cancer. It is truly a war that your body and mind are fighting.
The last few days I have been just dealing with the fatigue from the radiation. As far as all the side effects I had from chemo I am glad to say none of that is bothering me any longer. The worst is the port that I still have in my chest that is a constant reminder of what I am going through. As much as I try to move forward in my mind. I really can not do much about that until I get the all clear that I have beaten this thing and the port comes out. What a glorious day that will be! I can tell you that I still get the anxiety from it. I have been dealing with some short bursts of anxiety here and there.
The anxiety is nothing crazy as it was while I was on all those drugs. Now it just sneaks in every now and then and messes with my head. I knew getting back in the gym I was going to battle the anxiety again. The battle continues. I have all the tools to win the war. As they say, One battle at a time.
SMIB \m/
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