Back in the saddle again....

It's been a week since my last update and my emergency room fun. I took the week by the balls and have been in the gym getting my cardio in. The fatigue has really been kicking my ass but I do feel it is getting better. I was saving up my energy all week for my daughter's school dance. The last thing I wanted was to let her down. She has been so upset with me that I have been sick and unable to do much with her. I just wanted her to have a good time at the dance. I was able to rest up all day and once we got to the dance all the girls were in a mosh pit dancing away.
I watched along with the other dads as the kids all ran around and danced. Unfortunately the DJ played some shit music and nothing the dads really could dance with the kids to. The school held the dance in the gym / cafeteria. They served pizza and lemonade. As the night went along hit became so hot in that place. Even the kids were taking a break and walking to the doors to get air from outside. Once I started to dance with my daughter I realized how cancer has really affected me. It was very hard to keep up and I was unable to do much of what she wanted to do. I did my best and tried to make her night fun.
She did get upset that I was unable to pick her up and spin her around. I tried to spin and I was so dizzy I thought I was going to pass out. All I kept saying was please don't pass out in front of her she will freak out. after getting some air and cold water I was ok. It was so hot that they kept running out of cold water for everyone. Obviously that on top of the fact that I am still feeling the effects of the radiation and I am not 100%  Still I made it till the end of the dance even though she was a bit upset we couldn't dance much.
By the time we got home I had to relax for an hour and get some electrolytes in before I felt much better. You never realize just how much something like cancer really does to you. I try not to get mad or bitter because there is no point in it. I can't rush my body to recover from my treatments. I don't even know if any of this shit has even worked untill I get this pet scan. Monday I see my oncologist and I will hopefully get the date for the scan. I am so ready to get the answer no matter what it is.
As I said it has been a decent week for me. The more I hit the gym and at the very least do cardio I am keeping my blood pressure numbers down. To me this is another important goal. I am ready for this scan to get the answers I want so I can just move on. It is a very hard thing to handle mentally and emotionally not knowing where you stand with your health. Then again I can't sit around everyday scared and not living my life. God knows I am sick and tired of feeling this way. I just want to get on the road to recovery. No matter what s it stands now I have to wait another six weeks before I know if I have beaten this thing. Just thinking back to the dance with my daughter I am reminded why I fight. I am reminded why life is so short and precious.
While I wait for my scan and results I am back to working on my music. It has been quite a while since I have been doing what I love to do. I am kicking the rust off Catalano and getting back out there with some acoustic performances starting with next month. Hope to see you all out there soon. Time to live the life I am fighting for!

SMIB \m/








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