Yesterday I tossed a monkey wrench into the whole works. As I lay strapped to the table getting my treatment the techs had a hard time lining me up. The first two segments of the treatment went fine. By the time we got to the third it was taking just too long. I could hear them talking in the other room. There had to be a problem so I was starting to get uneasy. I was on that table over an hour and a half not moving. After the third segment of my treatment they started to have issues again lining up my body. I was having issues breathing through my nose. My sinuses have been giving me trouble so I was breathing through my mouth. Having that mask on my face was making it harder to breath. I was moving to much and by this point I had to shall we say empty my bladder.
I finally moved my arm and start to say something just so someone would hear me. I told them there was no way I could lay there any longer. The last few days I was only on that table for forty minutes tops. This was over an hour and a half. My body was aching, My neck was stiffening up, I started to panic because I needed to move and stretch. I tried to make my mind go to my happy place. I just couldn't do it anymore. They finally took me off the table and that was it for the day. I was told they would not continue. So I got dressed and had to see my nurse and wait to see the doctor.
Of course this just dragged my day out longer and the doctor really had nothing for me. Checked my nose, looked down my throat and said "well you're not sick" Hey I paid a lot to hear that lol. No shit I am not sick. My sinuses do get out of control due to some allergy I have to most air recycling systems. So most buildings I walk into my allergies get set off. Add that along with laying me on a table, well that was all she wrote.
Today went a whole lot smoother. I was in and out within an hour. I was able to bring in my own music to jam out to while I am strapped to the table. Today my pick was Queensryche "Empire". Treatment went so fast I didn't even make it through the whole album. It was nice to be in and out that fast today. Yesterday since I had to stay well past two while I was leaving I saw a bunch of kids out in the waiting area. This waiting area looks more like a massive living room. Big fireplace and lots of big comfortable chairs. Coffee tables with plenty of magazines and newspapers to read.
Seeing these kids was heartbreaking. But they looked so happy and that just made me smile. Seeing some of them with big scars on their heads, you just know they had to have gone through hell.
These kids are the true heroes. They show so much courage. Truly that is one of the things that keeps me going every day. These kids are truly fearless. One of them must have finished therapy because they had a big family there and taking lots of pictures with the hot nurses and that horrible mask they lock your head to the table with. I could see the excitement in their eyes. It was like I could read he kids minds saying "fuck yeah no more mask". After tomorrow I have three weeks left then I can take my picture with the hot nurses and my mask.
In the meantime The workouts continue and I keep moving forward. Going through all this treatment, going through all the emotions and changes in my life since my diagnosis I am truly finding out how to become fearless myself.
SMIB \m/
Today went a whole lot smoother. I was in and out within an hour. I was able to bring in my own music to jam out to while I am strapped to the table. Today my pick was Queensryche "Empire". Treatment went so fast I didn't even make it through the whole album. It was nice to be in and out that fast today. Yesterday since I had to stay well past two while I was leaving I saw a bunch of kids out in the waiting area. This waiting area looks more like a massive living room. Big fireplace and lots of big comfortable chairs. Coffee tables with plenty of magazines and newspapers to read.
Seeing these kids was heartbreaking. But they looked so happy and that just made me smile. Seeing some of them with big scars on their heads, you just know they had to have gone through hell.
These kids are the true heroes. They show so much courage. Truly that is one of the things that keeps me going every day. These kids are truly fearless. One of them must have finished therapy because they had a big family there and taking lots of pictures with the hot nurses and that horrible mask they lock your head to the table with. I could see the excitement in their eyes. It was like I could read he kids minds saying "fuck yeah no more mask". After tomorrow I have three weeks left then I can take my picture with the hot nurses and my mask.
In the meantime The workouts continue and I keep moving forward. Going through all this treatment, going through all the emotions and changes in my life since my diagnosis I am truly finding out how to become fearless myself.
SMIB \m/
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