The Ultimate Warrior..

Fate whispers to the warrior 

"You can not withstand the storm" 

 and the warrior whispers back 

"I am the storm"

Friday night and I had an exciting acupuncture appointment. Lol Yeah I am exciting now days. But hey, the acupuncture sure the hell helped me relax. Today has been decent. I did some stretching and some of my infamous yoga this afternoon. Just to get the blood flowing. I wish I could have worked out but as I realized yesterday It is hard to do. Even what I did today got me exhausted by dinner time. Not exactly what I like to feel. I am getting used to the fact that this is what it will be like for the next six weeks or so. 

I need to start to flex the muscle that means the most now. My brain. I need to keep that attitude strong and my spirits up. Just be the warrior in my mind right now as my body fights this disease and I wait till I get better. When I look back at the beginning of this whole thing I remember thinking "I hope this passes me quickly". I look back and think wow this feels like it started yesterday. Still the days are dragging on. I don't know some days how the hell I find the strength to keep going. My kids will always be the rock that keeps me strong and the reason why I fight. 

The weeks get longer now because it takes more for me to recover from the chemo. So I had to adjust lot's of things. At this point all I can do is ride this out with the strength that brought me into this. As long as I keep strong I will conquer. The getting tired fast is getting old but at least I am not tired and puking my guts out. There is always a silver lining. Some days I look in the mirror and that guy looking back at me is unrecognisable. My hair thin and dead looking, My skin dry and the extra weight makes me look like I am expecting any day now. 

Some days I do still wonder why I was given this. Am I supposed to prove my strength? Test my will power? Make me even more determined than I was? So many questions when you get diagnosed with cancer. Every one you talk to just tells you to look forward and not back at why or what did I do. All that is out the window. You need to focus on living in the now. All I can do now is find my inner warrior.. the Ultimate Warrior. 

SMIB \m/