Another beautiful day locked up in the house. Not that I was feeling to bad today but the lack of energy after four in the afternoon shut me down. I had about three hours to get some things done. That was not bad at all. I get a little more energy every day. I need to keep reminding myself that I won't get full energy until Thursday. With that in mind I try to d as much as I can every day. I think most of the what holds me back is just the damn anxiety that pops up here and there. I have been pretty good at keeping it to a point where it won't cripple me.
So far it has been at a low level so I can handle it. I am starting to get a little edgy due to the neuropathy. It has been very low since acupuncture really keeps it in check. This week it has come back since we haven't focused on it during acupuncture sessions. Luckily tomorrow I will go in for a session and have this taken care of. I have to say this neuropathy really does drive you nuts. It's the only thing really bothering me today. The tea has been helping my stomach so it has been feeling pretty good. That in it's self is awesome. having a messed up stomach is just no fun.
I kept myself busy as much as possible today to keep my mind off how I feel. It helps so much until you lose energy. At that point you really start to get reminded of what you're going through. Not the best feeling in the world when that happens. I really start to feel mortal at that point. when you start to think of your own mortality it's a eye opener. You really start to realize how precious life is. There is no way you can go through something like this and not look at life in a new light. I do dwell on that every now and then. Really when the anxiety hits you start to think the end is near lol. Anxiety, such a fun ride. Those of you who have it can relate.
Although I do believe that having those thoughts and really facing the reality of life is a great thing for personal growth. I try to not think about the "why" anymore. Why did this happen to me or how. I just realize it's here and I have to just look into the face of it and deal with it the best way I can. I suppose that is what defines us as people. How we handle what has been given to us. Why did the man upstairs look down at me and say "wow look at this guy, busting his hump in the gym, lost all that weight and as healthy as a horse".
Lets give him a curve ball. Wham... Well thank you very much for that one. You figure hey I am going through enough hardship right now how can I possibly deal with this on top of everything else. Oh wait you can't deal with everything else. That all goes on hold while you focus on staying alive. Staying Alive, what a concept right? Something most people just take for granted in life. Some people take that for granted and waste life away while others fight to stay alive. Kind of makes you think. Well as usual there is nothing real exciting today. This is the hump I need to get over after chemo. Half way feeling like shit and half way feeling ok. I think the extra weight I have put on has really been messing with me. I may not have gained all that weight I lost back but I sure feel like I did. My body must be so confused. Two years keeping all the poison I could out of me and now.. well just makes me crazy to think of it.
Tomorrow as usual is another day. Another day to stay alive.
SMIB \m/
So far it has been at a low level so I can handle it. I am starting to get a little edgy due to the neuropathy. It has been very low since acupuncture really keeps it in check. This week it has come back since we haven't focused on it during acupuncture sessions. Luckily tomorrow I will go in for a session and have this taken care of. I have to say this neuropathy really does drive you nuts. It's the only thing really bothering me today. The tea has been helping my stomach so it has been feeling pretty good. That in it's self is awesome. having a messed up stomach is just no fun.
I kept myself busy as much as possible today to keep my mind off how I feel. It helps so much until you lose energy. At that point you really start to get reminded of what you're going through. Not the best feeling in the world when that happens. I really start to feel mortal at that point. when you start to think of your own mortality it's a eye opener. You really start to realize how precious life is. There is no way you can go through something like this and not look at life in a new light. I do dwell on that every now and then. Really when the anxiety hits you start to think the end is near lol. Anxiety, such a fun ride. Those of you who have it can relate.
Although I do believe that having those thoughts and really facing the reality of life is a great thing for personal growth. I try to not think about the "why" anymore. Why did this happen to me or how. I just realize it's here and I have to just look into the face of it and deal with it the best way I can. I suppose that is what defines us as people. How we handle what has been given to us. Why did the man upstairs look down at me and say "wow look at this guy, busting his hump in the gym, lost all that weight and as healthy as a horse".
Lets give him a curve ball. Wham... Well thank you very much for that one. You figure hey I am going through enough hardship right now how can I possibly deal with this on top of everything else. Oh wait you can't deal with everything else. That all goes on hold while you focus on staying alive. Staying Alive, what a concept right? Something most people just take for granted in life. Some people take that for granted and waste life away while others fight to stay alive. Kind of makes you think. Well as usual there is nothing real exciting today. This is the hump I need to get over after chemo. Half way feeling like shit and half way feeling ok. I think the extra weight I have put on has really been messing with me. I may not have gained all that weight I lost back but I sure feel like I did. My body must be so confused. Two years keeping all the poison I could out of me and now.. well just makes me crazy to think of it.
Tomorrow as usual is another day. Another day to stay alive.
SMIB \m/
Well Said. Keep your head up Pat.
ReplyDeleteI always do :)
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