It starting to seem to me that my anxiety is trying to sneak back in a bit harder than normal. I am starting to have, lets call them episodes shall we? Starting mostly at night. The anxiety and I have some battles for sure. I usually end up winning that battle. Other times I try to just sleep it off. At least today started off really good. I slept very well last night. Got up early. well early for me was ten in the morning. That gave me time to eat a good breakfast, shower and hit a few errands I needed to run.
This is great because I usually am not out and about until Thursday. To say the least I felt good about that. Sure I still feel the chemo brain in the background and I still feel uneasy. But I am out of the house and have some energy. Got everything done today except getting my car washed. The rain kinda just killed that for me. Since I have a doctors appointment with my family doctor tomorrow I will be out again. So not too bad.
The more I get out of the house even for a bit I feel better. Today I felt like a trapped dog who just got let out in the yard. I didn't know which way to go first. Well at least it is better than just sitting around all day. Although I do pace a lot in the house. I have gotten to the point where I just can not sit or lay on the couch any more. It just isn't comfortable to me. The whole laying on the floor I did for months, that faze is over. I can't stand lying on the floor.
I think all this is helping the anxiety get to me. At least I will not fall into depression. I have my kids and great friends to keep me going there. I am blessed to have people that are genuine. I hate to touch the subject anymore about the ones that walked away. I have found peace with that. You have to just to move on with life. I am close to the end of the chemo. Then tests to make sure I am in remission. Once I get the green light with all that, I will find a inner peace I don't think I ever could have expected. It is hard to find that within you. Everyone has it. I guess going though hell helps you pinpoint yours.
SMIB \m/
This is great because I usually am not out and about until Thursday. To say the least I felt good about that. Sure I still feel the chemo brain in the background and I still feel uneasy. But I am out of the house and have some energy. Got everything done today except getting my car washed. The rain kinda just killed that for me. Since I have a doctors appointment with my family doctor tomorrow I will be out again. So not too bad.
The more I get out of the house even for a bit I feel better. Today I felt like a trapped dog who just got let out in the yard. I didn't know which way to go first. Well at least it is better than just sitting around all day. Although I do pace a lot in the house. I have gotten to the point where I just can not sit or lay on the couch any more. It just isn't comfortable to me. The whole laying on the floor I did for months, that faze is over. I can't stand lying on the floor.
I think all this is helping the anxiety get to me. At least I will not fall into depression. I have my kids and great friends to keep me going there. I am blessed to have people that are genuine. I hate to touch the subject anymore about the ones that walked away. I have found peace with that. You have to just to move on with life. I am close to the end of the chemo. Then tests to make sure I am in remission. Once I get the green light with all that, I will find a inner peace I don't think I ever could have expected. It is hard to find that within you. Everyone has it. I guess going though hell helps you pinpoint yours.
SMIB \m/
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