The whole thing about chemo being cumulative really starts to sink in when you try to go out and do that whole "go live your life" bullshit they tell you to do. In one breath they want you to go live like nothing is wrong BUT do be careful and not go to big crowds and wash your hands over and over. Well It's summer and everywhere I want to go or need to go has big crowds. Was able to get out today to my friends funeral service. I was so exhausted. I again did not get any sleep last night. I am hoping that this will change tonight. But I made it out and the first day completely out of the house after chemo really does give you some anxiety. Every person that coughed or sneezed gave me more anxiety and I would have to move far away from them. Also the rudeness of not shaking hands with anyone. Just not me. You know me, I go in for the hand shake and a hug But alas I can no longer do that.
The more I deal with this chemo the more it takes little parts of who I am away from me. Even though you try not to let that happen I don't see a way it can not happen to begin with. You get chemo and are on your ass for at least 5 days in the house. Then as you start to deal with the side effects that keep you from doing the normal things they want you to do. Just a bunch of bullshit. I know for a fact because I am without my acupuncture for another week or so that I will suffer a lot more than normal. That I have figured out. It is very obvious that the acupuncture is something my body responds to very well. Now that I don't have it, let's just say it is much worse.
But I am not going to bitch. I dd get to hang with good friends and pay respect to an awesome person and fellow Freemason. The heat was brutal today for wearing a suit. That's how it always works out. It was still nice to get out for the afternoon. I lasted the whole time at the church when I though I was going to pass out from lack of sleep a few times. Once I got home I ate some food and get some rest the rest of the day. My body is so sore from the working out I did yesterday. How funny that just lifting a few reps of 20 lbs is kicking my ass. Although it is a good feeling, it also sucks that I deal with that along with all the other chemo side effects, So I try so hard to not let that bother me. Keeping up with some sort of working out is the best thing for me. I have also noticed that the blood pressure meds they have me on have really messed with my vision. I have always needed reading glasses but now my vision is all fucked up. My oncologist told me it was nothing to do with the chemo side effects. After some research I found out it is from the blood pressure pills.
Obviously my doctor and I are working on getting me off those pills because I was perfectly fine before all this cancer business. Other than that I guess today was a decent day. Any day you get out of bed and move is a decent day and a day that gets closer to being cured. I still fly that flag but some days are harder than others. Some days anxiety does get you but I have some awesome friends that send me things all the time to help with anxiety and that is a big help.
Well that is it for tonight I a starting to pass out while I write this.
SMIB \m/
The more I deal with this chemo the more it takes little parts of who I am away from me. Even though you try not to let that happen I don't see a way it can not happen to begin with. You get chemo and are on your ass for at least 5 days in the house. Then as you start to deal with the side effects that keep you from doing the normal things they want you to do. Just a bunch of bullshit. I know for a fact because I am without my acupuncture for another week or so that I will suffer a lot more than normal. That I have figured out. It is very obvious that the acupuncture is something my body responds to very well. Now that I don't have it, let's just say it is much worse.
But I am not going to bitch. I dd get to hang with good friends and pay respect to an awesome person and fellow Freemason. The heat was brutal today for wearing a suit. That's how it always works out. It was still nice to get out for the afternoon. I lasted the whole time at the church when I though I was going to pass out from lack of sleep a few times. Once I got home I ate some food and get some rest the rest of the day. My body is so sore from the working out I did yesterday. How funny that just lifting a few reps of 20 lbs is kicking my ass. Although it is a good feeling, it also sucks that I deal with that along with all the other chemo side effects, So I try so hard to not let that bother me. Keeping up with some sort of working out is the best thing for me. I have also noticed that the blood pressure meds they have me on have really messed with my vision. I have always needed reading glasses but now my vision is all fucked up. My oncologist told me it was nothing to do with the chemo side effects. After some research I found out it is from the blood pressure pills.
Obviously my doctor and I are working on getting me off those pills because I was perfectly fine before all this cancer business. Other than that I guess today was a decent day. Any day you get out of bed and move is a decent day and a day that gets closer to being cured. I still fly that flag but some days are harder than others. Some days anxiety does get you but I have some awesome friends that send me things all the time to help with anxiety and that is a big help.
Well that is it for tonight I a starting to pass out while I write this.
SMIB \m/
Comments
Post a Comment