Starting to feel better anxiety wise today. The side effects are brutal this time around but without my acupuncture that is not a surprise. I also did not get to sleep till late last night so that did not help much at all. The steroids really mess with my sleep and it gets aggravating. At least I got some sleep last night. Other than that really I am just starting to fade. I am losing energy fast tonight and between that and the fact that I am getting aggravated is just no help at all. It is hard to deal with how fast my emotions change during chemo week. Mostly the first few days are the most noticeable. I have no patience at all. I try to document everything I can every day. I know most of the time it gets repetitive and I go off on a tangent then off to anther subject altogether. That just is the way my mind works when I have chemo brain. I just can't think straight.
Felling this shit is getting old. I can't say that it gets easy as you go along. That would be a lie. I was in a good mood earlier today but now not so much. I think it's time for a cookie. That should hit the spot make me feel better, I really am going to try to get more sleep tonight. I just don't do well without much sleep. As I learned the hard way on Saturday. I need to stay rested so that I can recover by the weekend and then get to some working out. If there is one main bitch, It is the fact that I am so tired of sitting on my ass all the time. I do what I can here in the house but I just feel like I lost my everyday routine.
I guess the bottom line is the further I get into this the more aggravated I get and the more I hate it. The chemo brain the nausea the supper smell lol I hate that I am so sensitive now to smell. It drives me insane. I guess it comes in handy if there was a gas leak. Then I would be an asset and save lives!! Well while this week is a challenge I am keeping my positive attitude. As much as I bitch and moan about this shit, I will get though it all. It really makes you feel defeated at times and you need to fight that feeling and look at the big picture. It is easy to say. It takes everything I have some days to get out of the rut. I was told that when you go through this you are allowed moments though out the day to feel scared, to feel down. But you just can't live there, You can visit but you need to get out of it and get back to happy thoughts, Rainbows and unicorns! Oh and magic cookies lol.
Another day down in the books. Tomorrow is crash day and I will just be laying around doing nothing, It really is the worst day out of all of them for this week. All while keeping I am trying to keep my anxiety at bay I just have no energy to even deal with anxiety. Lets hope tomorrow just comes and goes. I have my food ready tomorrow so I do not have to run around the kitchen cooking as fast as I would if I were competing on chopped. I get so tired that the hunger hits so fast then I rush to try and cook as fast as I can and being that tired, well It does not end well.
Until Tomorrow.
SMIB \m/
Comments
Post a Comment